tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post2900945142250576670..comments2024-03-15T11:30:29.726-04:00Comments on Incubation Nation: Stirring up ControversySalyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13792107257082868851noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-6910289087039124852010-02-15T19:41:20.843-05:002010-02-15T19:41:20.843-05:00I think there's a difference between saying th...I think there's a difference between saying things that are just rude - like apologizing to parents who aren't having a certain gender of kid - and commenting on a baby's looks in a positive, well-meaning sort of way, right? If people hadn't gushed over my babies, my feelings might have been saved a bit of bruising from unintionally rude things, but they'd also have been hurt because WHY WERE THEY NOT COMMENTING ON MY BABIES?Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-62094297386879299442010-02-11T12:49:56.775-05:002010-02-11T12:49:56.775-05:00I feel like I'll never forget, after my second...I feel like I'll never forget, after my second miscarriage, when someone said to me totally conspiratorially and dead seriously, "Oh- are you so relieved?" Because at the time my son was only a year old and I HAD expressed to her, earlier, some trepidation about another kid so soon. But still! To assume any woman would feel SO RELIEVED about losing a baby? I'm pretty sure, "I'm sorry" is the standard response in such a situation.<br />Whatevs, like one of your commenters said, you just have to assume they meant well! Or, are complete idiots, which is their problem and not yours!Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07141742419364168878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-14507295062282395862010-02-10T11:05:20.026-05:002010-02-10T11:05:20.026-05:00I'll admit, I am guilty of (in Swistle's t...I'll admit, I am guilty of (in Swistle's term "DELIBERATE assholery".<br /><br />But not about kids. Or things that haven't been directly DONE to me. And if I end up with another boy to go with the two I've already got? Peachy. I couldn't be happier. It really is surprising what people think is appropriate opinions to share regarding a coming child.<br /><br />And I don't use the highly irriatating commercial soap either. I had an old Biology professor who said water and rubbing do a good enough job in most circumstances. :)Mistyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01789220521394306503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-6873003232018272912010-02-10T08:27:36.769-05:002010-02-10T08:27:36.769-05:00I think there is a such a difference between sayin...I think there is a such a difference between saying "Ooooo, squeeeee, tiny baby!!" which is OBVIOUSLY not meant badly (she was being oversensitive---we now know why, but she STILL should have been able to tell that your remark was positive), and saying, "Wow, he is so small. I've never seen a baby so small. Is he...okay? I mean, he is just SO SMALL!"<br /><br />And there's also such a difference between something that's meant to be admiring but comes across wrong (the "You sure have your hands full!" stuff I get all the time too) and "Oh, BAD NEWS that your baby is the way he/she is, I'm SO SORRY!"<br /><br />And DEFINITELY there is a difference between ALL of that and the pinehole who made a sarcastic comment about handsoap: that's DELIBERATE assholery, not just the standard accidental thoughtlessness everyone does from time to time without meaning to.Swistlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13126937282657655091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-32738356372999717542010-02-10T00:00:49.675-05:002010-02-10T00:00:49.675-05:00i can't tell you how many people ask me if i w...i can't tell you how many people ask me if i want a girl, if i'm going to try for a girl, if two boys are hard. what is more frustrating is having to say, no my tubes are tied. which is then followed by, oh wow why did you do that, are you sure OH MY FUCKING GOD PEOPLE<br />i'm going to start saying, "oh are you sad your baby is ugly" and see how they like itmisguided mommyhttp://www.misguidedmommy.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-72798654504904037792010-02-09T23:51:36.535-05:002010-02-09T23:51:36.535-05:00I like the last note, thinking that others mean we...I like the last note, thinking that others mean well when it comes out badly. That said, I'm relearning 2 things when I have this kind of encounter...<br /><br />1. Reacting to someone's comments etc. makes their problem mine. It's actually their problem, so I don't react and thus carry it around with me. I<br /><br />2. I am trying to treat others how THEY wish to be treated (that means finding out, and if you don't know, don't assume).<br /><br />Two MORE things (I am a wisdom pot today):<br />1. I'm getting over the idea of self importance. It only seems to bring misery. It also allows you to see past yourself easily and thus de-personalises things somewhat.<br /><br />2. Assume makes an ass out of you and me.<br /><br />LOL<br /><br />Love you,<br />Paprika<br />PS: Hope this note does not cause offense!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-16514292419241874142010-02-09T19:22:53.695-05:002010-02-09T19:22:53.695-05:00I try to tell myself that most people mean well, e...I try to tell myself that most people mean well, even when their comments say otherwise.d e v a nhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02514260896810474173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-13466453279232029722010-02-09T17:00:49.281-05:002010-02-09T17:00:49.281-05:00someone said that to me.. "he's just so s...someone said that to me.. "he's just so sweet." and nothing else. I couldn't help but wonder what she WASN'T saying lol Damned if you do, damned if you don't. But I hate that crap about being SORRY like every family needs 2 genders to be complete...jen(melty)http://jujubebe.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-51325653123867032672010-02-09T15:31:42.369-05:002010-02-09T15:31:42.369-05:00I agree. "She's so tiny!" is way di...I agree. "She's so tiny!" is way different than, say, "Was she premature?" Which someone asked me about Helen (who weighed nine lbs. at birth, BTW.)Nowheymamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02977594440010163078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-25659981824353037702010-02-09T14:31:16.932-05:002010-02-09T14:31:16.932-05:00I don't know, there seems to be a great differ...I don't know, there seems to be a great difference between being a nosy asshole and saying something that is none of your business ("so sorry you'll never know what it's like to have a girl") and making random observations that could be miscontrued or cause hurt feelings if unknown underlying factors exist. I'm sure the "girl" commenters mean well, but seriously. Back off and leave the woman alone. Maybe she only ever wanted boys.<br /><br />You get comments on how many kids you have? Really? I mean, it isn't like you're a Duggar or something. I hardly think 3 kids is some horrific offense to the world population. I probably get as many comments by choosing to only have one child.<br /><br />Which just goes to show - sometimes you can never win.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2304408055161689399.post-61085237577275170682010-02-09T14:08:25.230-05:002010-02-09T14:08:25.230-05:00You are right that we have probably all made inadv...You are right that we have probably all made inadvertently insensitive comments at one point or another. However I do think it there is a big difference between saying something intended to be a compliment that could be a personal hot button for someone and actually telling someone you're SORRY about the child they're having. You know? It's easier to overlook inadvertent missteps than comments that come across as just plain rude.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15942269316108576622noreply@blogger.com