Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Tuesday Listing

• I had every intention of buying a black coffee and one of those lo-cal flatbreads for breakfast this morning, and the guy and Dunkin talked me in to a pumpkin latte (not as good as Starbucks) and a pumpkin muffin (ditto). We’re also having cake today for a birthday. Yes, my job makes me fat. It’s no wonder I didn’t gain any weight the last month of my pregnancy. I was home.
• People are weirded out by breast pumping. I’ve gotten dirty looks after every pump so far, while rinsing it off in the bathroom.
• I feel like I could go in to a whole tirade about breast milk not only being the best option, but also, because of THE ECONOMY, I couldn’t afford $32 a can for formula if that was in fact, my preferred feeding method. But I won’t.
• I hate my hair. I’ll take a photo of it tonight. Way too dark. I love the cut though.
• I talked to the baby on the phone and she cooed and gurgled at me. I love her.
• Bud woke up at 6 this morning. Apparently, he can hear my alarm clock in his room and “It bodders me!!”
• The baby has her 2-month appointment today and will get 4 shots. I thought about leaving work early, but then figured I had taken the other kids for shots by myself on several occasions so there is no reason why Hub can’t take Liv. I’m dying to know how big she’s gotten though, my portly chunk.
• Lucy is no longer taking gymnastics. She didn’t like her new class, which is not parent assisted, and cried for 3 weeks straight through the entire class. She’s only 3 so I’m not too upset about it. What can you do?
• If I get one more political email, I am going to scream.
• And if I get one more political email based solely on religion, I’m going on a full fledged rampage.
• Oh, and finally, I turn 30 in exactly 2 weeks. How did that sneak up on me so fast? This whole BABY thing, I suppose. ME in my thirties. Can you imagine it?

Monday, September 29, 2008

We Now Resume Our Regularly Scheduled Programming, Already in Progress

The tough thing about being back at work is that I don’t actually have anything to do. Three months off will do that to you. I spent the morning going through emails and updating my security and all that jazz, pumped, ate lunch, checked on the baby and now here I am, twiddling my thumbs…well in a virtual manner.

I spent the end of last week preparing for my return today, by cutting, like, a foot off of the length of my hair and coloring it a shade that I think is way too dark. I shopped for clothes on Friday and had a minor breakdown in NY & Co. because nothing fir me the right way. Post-baby flab sure is a bitch!!

We took the kids for ice cream on Saturday at the local stand which was closing for the season, and then took a long walk through the park before going home for dinner and Hub worked most of the day yesterday. I did make homemade mac and cheese for dinner though, and it turned out pretty well.

The babe was in bed by 9:30, and slept until 6:30 when I woke her to eat this morning, so I am well rested, save for this pesky cold, and pretty much back to the grind.

It feels like I never left. I don’t necessarily miss being home; routine and structure is good for me—but I can’t actually say that I’m enjoying being back to work. I’m already tired of the “How have you been???? How’s the baaaaaabeeeeee???” questions. People are just being nice, I know. But God, it’s old. And then there’s your standard BS……which didn’t let up and was waiting for me right where I left it.

In other news, guess who is 2-months old today???? Why it’s the chubbiest baby in town!!

My, how I miss her.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Le Sigh

I set the alarm for 5:30 this morning, but the baby started fussing at about 5:12. I shoved the pacifier in her mouth, holding her over until 5:23, when I plucked her, screaming and hungry from her bed. She ate lazily, as always, and barely woke up when I changed her diaper, but did latch back on and eat a bit more before I put her in the swing so I could shower. By the time I was out, the clock was nearing 7:30 and it was time to get the big kids up and fed. They were cooperative enough, and we only got out of here about 5 minutes after I had planned.

Today was Olivia's first day at daycare.

You wouldn't think that there would be a ton of anxiety, considering she is my third child, but it was no easier for me than it ever was. She has been with me every waking moment since her conception last November, save for a few runs to the store or to take the kids to school. And today, I was to hand her over to someone else. And come home, no less, since we had to start her this week or forfiet her spot and I don't go back to work Monday.

"It will be great!", I thought, "I can get used to leaving her without the pressures of work." It wasn't great. I kept it together though and didn't cry as I went through th instructions with her caregiver, who is the mother of one of Lucy's classmates, and her assistant, Lupe, who seemed nice enough--but I'm not so sure she speaks much english.

I was fine. I stopped and got a coffee and came home to work on some paperwork for Hub, pump, and take a nap.

I was fine.

Until I realized that in all of my explaining, I didn't kiss the baby goodbye. I handed her off, talked a bunch, and left. So here I am typing, in tears, fighting every urge to go back up there just to kiss my baby girl goodbye. She wasn't going to realize I was gone anyway, but how could I forget?

So much for thinking that this would be easier. It actually kind of sucks. A lot.

She, Lucy and I are spending tomorrow with my best girlfriend, her 3-year old daughter and her 4-month old daughter. It will be a nice break until I take her back on Friday. And tonight, I don't plan on putting her down. I need my fill of her soft baby face and smell. I feel like I need to suck it all in; that she might somehow lose it while I'm not with her.

It's funny, isn't it, that a few short months ago I was wondering what she would do to our lives? Our dynamic? How we would love her as much as Bud and Lucy? And now, away from her for the first time, those feelings are foreign. It's like she has always been here and we've always loved her.

In any case, I sure do miss her. And I'm glad I can pipe in and watch her all day on the computer. It's clear that I am getting no work done today, right?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Hub was speaking to a customer today who mentioned that his 7-week old
had started rolling over. Hub told him that our 8-week old has not.
Customer asked him in all seriousness 'Well did your wife take
prenatal vitamins?' What a jackass. And if your question, like mine,
is whether or not Hub punched him in the face or told him off, the
answer is no. It's not just women! The menfolk play 'my baby is
smarter' too. I'm pretty sure that bringing my prenatal habits in was
a low blow. Ass.

Monday, September 22, 2008

The One with Photos AND Video

If you do nothing else today, watch Bud's video at the bottom. You will die from the cute.

Here. we try and get the baby to smile:

Here we prove that you can dress Lucy as a princess, but a princess it does not make her:

And here is Bud. For your reference he says:

"I will develop myself in a positive manner and avoid anything that will reduce my mental health or physical growth."

Sunday, September 21, 2008

To Jess & Torsten

As you embark on the amazing adventure that is marriage, I wish you
love & laughter. I wish you passion but also the calm that comes
along with knowing that THIS IS IT! Forever & always, through thick &
thin. My best to both of you, Saly

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Facebook Etiquette

Here's a question: Let's say you are Facebook friends with a few
bloggers & through those bloggers you see other bloggers with whom
you'd consider yourself friends. There is still a degree of being
anon though in that you haven't personally revealed your last names to
each other. So is it weird or crossing a line to add them? One of my
bloggy friends was added in this manner & she is not ok with it. I
totally would be though-but I'm weird . So what would you think?
Presumptious? Or ok?

Monday, September 8, 2008


1. 3 weeks from today, I go back to work. On one hand, YAY!!! On the other....FAHK. Thinking of getting three kids out of the house in the morning frightens me to no end. Also, daycare can not take Liv until the end of October. So, double FAHK.
2. It was an interesting 5 days without Hub to say the least. The kids know I am not the disciplinarian, but for the most part were pretty good. The worst part of his whole trip was me having to handle his business. Calling stores to schedule cleaning?? Doing his banking??? Severe nervous tummy. And aren't I on Maternity Leave? Here, I am not.
3. The kids and I spent Saturday evening with my parents. I have a whole post up in my head about my mother. And disappointment. And I'm afraid that typing it out instead of internalizing it will make my feelings too real. So, I don't know, maybe coming soon? I don't know if I have it in me. The visit was good though, the kids enjoyed their time there.
4. I had my post-partum checkup last week and all is well. I have to go back to get the Mirena. My fear? Having it puncture my uterus, which happens like, one in a million times. But still. I could be the one.
5. I am considering ending breast feeding. The baby is a piranha. I'm trying, and have been for more than a week hoping she'll work out the nipple-shearing behavior. I am committed to pumping for as long as I can though.
6. I feel like I am losing readers due to my lack of commenting. Which actually sucks. So if you're skimming, let me know you're still here, kay? I am religiously skimming all of your blogs. ALL of them.
7. I took the kids in to work on Thursday to visit, which was nice. Until Lucy pulled down her shirt and flashed my entire department. I suppose it could be worse though, she could have pulled MY shirt down.
8. Speaking of Lucy, she starts her new gymnastics class this week, the one where I am supposed to drop her off and go on my merry way. Not sure how I feel about that. But she missed it so much over the summer, and when given the option for dance, Tae Kwon Do or gymnastics, she picked gymnastics.
9. I have a million things to do before Hub gets home, which include calling a restaurant manager and cleaning up so he doesn't think we lived like pigs while he was gone.
10. So off I go....Kthanksbai!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I am in the basement with all three kids, enjoying that the computer is all mine for the next five days. Lucy is brewing coffee in her play kitchen and is filling my fancy mug from Swistle repeatedly. I tell her that this is the best coffee I've ever had, as I take a drink of the actual so-so coffee I've brewed and she tells me "It's chocolate coffee Mama, I made it special for you." She knows me well...a cup of actual chocolate coffee would probably make my day.

Up until a few days ago, when Lucy said "chocolate", it was pronounced "cha-locket". Suddenly though, she asked me for a cup of chocolate milk and "chocolate" was painstakingly pronounced correctly; I could tell she really had to think about saying it the right way.

I immediately burst in to tears, sentimentality and post-partum hormones getting the best of me. Hub laughed and rubbed my back for a second and commented that our little girl is getting so big. She is, you know. Now more of a person, her three-year-old self, than a baby or a toddler.

I don't know what it is about this time of year that makes it seem like things change so quickly. The air is cooler and I'm taking stock of what I have in the way of warm clothes for the children, and gradually putting away sundresses and sleeveless tees. Yesterday, Lucy started pre-school, as opposed to plain old daycare. She is in Bud's old room, with Bud's old teacher and was seemingly ok when we dropped her off. Bud moved in to pre-kindergarten yesterday as well, a room where he will participate in show and tell and learn to write his full name, rather than his nickname. At he end of the day, both tell me that thy had a good day, though Lucy adds "but I did cry for you a lot, Mama."

The baby changes every day too, showcasing her gummy smile and Michelin arms and legs. She pushes away from my chest and takes everything in, her eyes bright and inquisitive; mischievous even with prospects of what she'll soon be able to get in to. Yesterday, when both of the big kids were laughing, she let out a tiny giggle.

Life goes by too fast.

Don't wish their life away life away is some advice I was given when I first became a parent. Don't think "I wish he could crawl", "I wish she would start talking" or "I can't wait until they are in school." Everything happens in it's own time, regardless of wishes.

My wishes tend to go unanswered though, after things have already changed, when I find myself wishing for just one more day with things as they used to be.