Oh the H O R R O R

I struggle with how to even write this. First of all there is the sheer horror of the situation, and then there is the fact that I'd like to avoid weird googlers. I guess I'm still in shock.

So anyway, here goes.

We had dinner at Hub's grandmothers, who lives in senior housing where many of her things are hospital grade, last night. I had CA in the bathroom, washing her up from dinner, and ED came in to pee. It took all of a second, CA and I were laughing at the sink, and suddenly, ED was screaming; shrieking even, and was holding his, um, stuff.

I remembered hearing the toilet seat slam a second before....I asked him to move is hands in all of his hysteria, and there was blood....not a ton, but enough.

He had got it stuck.

I called Hub in to look just as it started forming a huge blood blister. His mother, a nurse, took look as well. It wasn't good. He couldn't pee. We weren't sure if it was because he was scared, or if the hole had swollen shut, or if something even worse was going on inside of there.

ED's biggest concern---not getting his underwear dirty. He insisted on wearing a washcloth on the inside.

FIL met us at the ER to take CA home and we spent the better part of the evening at the hospital. ED was actually in pretty good spirits as he had calmed down, and spoke with the doctors and nurses candidly. All of the doctors were in to see him, to the point that when the girl who was just taking some info from us did not ask to see the boo boo, ED questioned why.

I'm proud of him for doing so well. The doctors measured the cut that runs right across the tip...just over a centimeter; I think to decide whether or not he needed a stitch or two. I think Hub was ready to throw up just thinking about it. After about an hour, having taken Tylenol with codeine as well as having a numbing agent placed on the area, ED peed and we were cleared to go home.

We have an appointment with a pediatric urologist in few hours to determine if there actually is any damage or if it is just bruised and cut. ED is telling everyone that we are going to the we.in.er doctor.

He is gun-shy about peeing, having only gone once since we got home from the hospital over 12 hours ago. He is very sore, obviously, and needs help getting on the couch and laying down. He doesn't have much of an appetite, with the exception of eating M&M's. But overall, I'd say he is doing well.

I'm nervous about the urology appointment. We've seen one once before, as ED's circ was a bit botched at birth. His bedside manner---not great. This is a different doctor, but in the same practice. We'll see how it goes.

I'm trying to think of the upside....yesterday was the first night ever he stayed dry all night. Maybe this will help him learn to hold it. And also, if he does need surgery, we can have his circ fixed and get it taken care of all at once.

Most of all though, I am hurting for my baby. He is brave though. On the way to the hospital (or hostable as he says) last night I said o him "I'm so sorry this happened, buddy." And do you know what my big boy said? "You didn't do it Mommy. I did."

Prayers and happy thoughts are appreciated. I will update soon.