Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Sweet Baby Girl

Today, my darling girl turned 3 months old. It's odd, how even though I've done this twice before, I am surprised at how quickly the time flies. She is an excellent baby, as far as babies go.

She completely goes with our flow; she does whatever it is we do, from Tae Kwon Do to pumpkin picking (even though she sleeps through a lot of it).

She laughs all the time now, and coos and giggles. She loves to blow bubbles:

She loves to stand:

And just be all around cute:

I love sitting with her at night after the big kids have gone to bed. She "talks" to me for a good half hour before she eats and goes to sleep for the night. She doesn't even mind when I call her Hannie Fannie Banannie.

It's been a happy happy 3 months baby girl. I love you!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

I hate this time of year; when it starts getting cold and dark. It is dark when I get up in the morning and dark as I drive home from work. I feel cold and lethargic; depressed almost. I hurry to turn on every light in the house in the early evening, hoping that the bright lights will bring me out of my funk. Sometimes, it even works.

I think that I’ll be spending a lot of time in my kitchen this winter. After 6+ months of work, it is finally nearing completion; just needing the new floor, trim, and backsplash. This past weekend, as I overhauled our bedroom, Hub painted it a delicious shade of yellow. It is a Martha Stewart shade called “Sewing Basket”. It looks kind of muted here, but against the blue speckled counters and bright white cupboards and wainscot, it pops.

(the only color I've used from this swatch is the sewing basket--the rest of the kitchen is bright blue and white)

I have never been so in love with a room before, and let me tell you, I am head over heels for our new and improved kitchen. I’ll take a photo for you soon, I promise.

With all of the painting and cleaning going on over the weekend, we never actually carved pumpkins, so we are doing that tonight when I get home. Hopefully, the baby will cooperate. She has been an absolute beast in the evenings because she refuses to sleep during the day. Yesterday she was so tired that she cried herself to sleep in about 2 minutes while I was making her bottle. She never ate, and slept until 7:30 this morning, when she was ravenous. She’s being good for Hub so far, but I do hope she sleeps a little bit since he worked late last night.

I’m looking forward to the festivities this week will bring. I took Friday off since the kids have a Halloween parade at school, and the big kids are having parties, Bud’s class is putting on a little recital (the are singing Thriller), and then we need to cram some dinner in to them before we head out for trick or treating. Our street still isn’t done, so I’m not sure how this will all go, but the kids are excited anyway. My parents are going to come out as well, as long as the weather is good.

Before we know it, it will be Thanksgiving and Christmas, and Bud will be turning 5. !!5!! I’m stressing out already.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Friday Free For All- MEME

I was not tagged for this one, but STOLE it for something to do.

10 years ago I was:
1. 20 years old
2. living in our basement apartment
3. going to community college
4. working 3 jobs
5. having an all around great time

5 things on today’s to-do list:
1. Work. I have a ton to do.
2. Figure out some banking information
3. Get something for lunch
4. Clean up my desk.
5. Pizza night with Hub and the kids

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. chips and Bison dip
2. Oreos dunked in coffee
3. green peppers in my mom’s cheese dip
4. fresh baked brownies
5. peanut butter chocolate chip cookies

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire (or billionaire):
1. Get the best education for my kids that was available
2. travel the world
3. buy a great house with a super kitchen
4. quit my job and have more kids
5. (then) get my boobs lifted and tummy tucked

5 places I have lived:
1. Buffalo, NY with my Parents
2. Lockport, NY with my Parents
3. Lockport, NY with Hub
4. Where we live now
5. n/a

5 jobs I have had:
1. Trainer-Boston Market
2. Manager-Blockbuster Video
3. Sales Associate-Frederick’s of Hollywood (oooh laaa laaa!!)
4. Escalations Manager
5. Mommy

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Today was the perfect kind of morning, not so cold out that the house was an ice box, but cool enough where it was perfect to snuggle down with the baby on the couch, under a fleecy blanket while I nursed her. The cats flanked us on both sides with their loud “good morning” purrs and I laid my head back and relaxed, stealing a few more minutes of sleep before the day actually began.

I love the calm of morning in our house, though it usually turns to chaos pretty quickly. It seems like I have all the time in the world and then suddenly I have 30 minutes to shower and dress, dress and feed the kids, pack bags for the day and then run out the door. Then, OH NO!! I need gas, or I’ve forgotten my coffee. Hub wooed me this morning with talk of a pumpkin muffin, which he’d left in his van for me so I didn’t eat. I was so excited……then when I left the house I realized he’d parked around the corner because our street is still under construction. I didn’t have time to walk to and from his van and back in the house still to drop off his keys IN HEELS, so I threw his keys back in the house in a fit and headed off to work. I arrived 5 minutes late after stopping for a bagel and filling my $.99 refill cup at Dunkin.

Five minutes late is kind of my story. It seems that no matter how much I prepare, no matter how much I do the night before, I am always running 5 minutes behind. Something crazy comes up, or my brain has crapped out and I’ve forgotten something really important—like that the baby is out of diapers. Sometimes I just spend too much time lollygagging with the kids; stealing one last kiss or sniffing one last head. Maybe I’m sharing a story with Hub, or more likely doling out instructions for his days home with them.

Last night, upon returning home from Target, I sat with Bud and Lucy at the dinner table to make a chart to track Bud’s night time potty progress. (We are working on it again) We had the glitter, markers paint and stickers out and set to work on our project. We made Lucy a chart as well, because she wanted one not because she needs one for anything, and she sat coloring and filling it up with stickers. Bud wrote his last name in huge letters and selected stickers to put in the squares for the days that had already passed. Liv sat in the bouncy, giggling and watching us all. For a minute I thought “Could I do this? Could I do this every day with them?” and for the first time since becoming a parent, I had the twinge of “I’d really love to stay home with them.”

It’s not realistic, and besides, Bud and Lucy are nearly school aged. I don’t know how I’d feel about giving Liv and any future child(ren) and opportunity that Bud and Lucy didn’t have, to be home with me full time…and there’s also the financial impact to consider. And health insurance and so many other things.

It will probably never happen, but it’s nice to think about.

And it wouldn’t even matter if I was running 5 minutes behind.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


It’s snowing today, which means that all of Western New York has forgotten how to drive. It also means that I was hunting for winter coats and the car seat cover at T-Minus 30 seconds this morning. Of course, I was late to work. Hub thought I was overreacting; that the kids would be fine in their sweatshirts. For the love of God, it is SNOWING.

I also remembered this morning that I donated my winter coat at the end of last season—because I hated it. I went to Kohls on my lunch break today because I had giftcards and birthday money; I found a good one.

I’ve been on the phone with my OB/GYN every day this week so far, to discuss birth control. I was going to have the Mirena placed, however, completely chickened out. The instances are like 1 in 10,000 women, but I can’t take the chance of uterine puncture or something going wrong and needing a hysterectomy. I’m being silly, I know. I was wishy washy about BC after Lucy was born as well and ended up not using anything. I don’t want to go that route again for sure, but I don’t know what I feel like doing. I have never had any issues with the pill, so that’s a good option. The dr. also suggested Implanon, which seems pretty good and it also doesn’t interfere with breast feeding. We’ll see though.

My milk supply has gone down as it is, due in part to returning to work and secondly to getting my period. It typically does go down based on these 2 events, but I have never gotten my period so soon before. This is actually the second time, and Liv just turned 12 weeks old. A bunch of garbage if you ask me. Based on these events though, I had to buy a can of formula yesterday, which was really like a punch in the gut. Liv takes 3 5-ounce bottles when I am at work and I have only been pumping about 9 ounces for the last week or so. I’ve depleted my freezer supply, so yesterday, there we were. I’m ok with it; giving her as much breast milk as I can and then doing the supplementing, but I wish it would have been a longer road. I’m lucky that my thyroid issues haven’t prevented me from nursing all together according to the lactation consultant I spoke to.

Since she was about 8 weeks old, coinciding with me going back to work, we’ve given her a bottle of formula at bed time; the regular Enfamil though, after she nurses. We’ve noticed more and more that it’s left her gassy and a bit “moody”, so yesterday I bought the Enfamil Gentlease which has 1/5 of the lactose and is partially broken down. She still spit up a bit last night but seemed a bit calmer when I laid her down. I’m hoping that she just has a sensitive stomach and will not be following in my childhood milk allergy footsteps. We’ll continue to watch her and see if this helps.

Hmm, any other women’s issues I need to bring up today? Nope. Other than the fact that I am still 30. Here are some photos from my party:

The Beautiful Lucy

Hub and ME

My Brother M and Liv

SIL and Liv

Bud and Me

Dad and Lucy

Mom and Bud

My Brothers and Me

Me and my baby brother

Hub and Balloons (FIL next to him)

Monday, October 20, 2008

Autumn Through The Years

Every Columbus Day Weekend, we travel to Letchworth State Park, which is a gigantic park set around a gorge. The scenery is breathtaking. We never know what the weather will have in store for us---snow, rain, extreme heat, but we go no matter what. In 2005 we began taking photos near Wolf Creek on a set of stone stairs. We found ourselves there again in 2006 and took another set of photos—one of which actually was our Christmas card that year. It has become a tradition now, and will be for as long as we can keep it up.

These are the photos since 2005—some of you may have seen them before—but here they are anyway:





30 in a Different Light

Aaaaah, so my last post. Yeah. Hub and my BFF threw me a surprise party yesterday. Most of my family and friends were there. There was bowling, and cake and pizza and music and many wonderful gifts. I couldn’t have asked for a better day; it was truly amazing. I’m not getting rid of my last post because it was how I felt in the moment. I’m starting to think now though, that 30 might not be so bad.

Which brings me to my NaBloPoMo idea for this year---30 years in 30 days. I won’t lie, I saw this somewhere last year, but having just begun my 31st year, I thought I’d have a go at documenting some events from 1978 through 2008 and really commemorating my 30 years on this earth. Fun, right? Maybe we’ll even have some photos of me through the years.

I’m hoping to have photos of the party soon to show you the over-the-top decorations, my sweater festooned with several obnoxious, flashing buttons, as well as a gigantic dunce of a party hat…oh, and Lucy wearing her hat in a unicorn-y fashion (ALL DAY). Clearly, I wasn’t prepared with my camera. Hub did a pretty good job of keeping it a secret, though I did begin to suspect when he turned the volume way down on a phone call he took Saturday (his phone volume is always THRU THE ROOF!) and the shifty weird way he was behaving yesterday morning. I’m glad I took a shower and at least put on some mascara!

Yes, I am loved. And it was a great day.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

An Open Letter to my 30th Birthday

Dear 30,

As a day, you pretty much sucked from start to finish, though there were a few bright spots mixed in. I’d been building up so many emotions about you for so long; I thought it would have to be better than I was imagining.

My desk was festooned with black balloons proclaiming “30!!” and “OVER THE HILL!!” along with streamers and confetti when I arrived at work. I felt loved, though it was a bit over the top. Several employees who are much older than I am, had comments to the effect of “If 30 is over the hill, then I must be ancient” etc and hardy har har. I did not put up the balloons. Apparently, 30, you are still quite young.

I received some gifts from my boss and employees in your honor; gift cards to Old Navy and Target and we had some cake. Despite your presence, I still had a ton of work to do.

I arrived home expecting great things of you. There were some flowers from my mother, and some cedar plank cooked salmon for dinner; made by Hub. There was a cake. There was Hub asking whether I had wanted a card—because if I did, he would grab one when he picked up rolls from the store. And there was Hub telling me he hadn’t yet bought my gift. He hadn’t even picked up something small from the kids. Or had them make me a card.

“Trust me”, he said, “I will give you your gift on Sunday, in front of your family; it will be worth the wait.”

Well what if I don’t want to wait? What if I wanted to enjoy you, my one and only 30th Birthday, with my husband and children? Apparently, I have no choice, and we have to drag you out for an entire week.

I was trying to rise above your stigma, 30. I was trying to really enjoy you—I’d even planned on focusing on my accomplishments over 30 years and looking forward to what was waiting for me in the many years ahead, but instead you left me feeling wounded, old, and like I was no big deal. Like you weren’t a big deal.

I thought you were.

Nobody else did……at least not enough to do anything special on the actual day. Remember when I was a kid and my birthday was the best and most anticipated day of the year? Not anymore—I suppose it’s just another day.

Maybe I’ll eat my words on Sunday; maybe there will be some sort of birthday spectacular. I’m still wounded by your events, 30.

Fuck you,


Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Free for All---Twitter MEME

Well, Sarah over at No Whey, Mama tagged me for this Twitter meme, though I am not sure how it’s a Twitter meme anymore. The object is to share 6 things that people don’t know about you. I thought it would make great fodder for my Friday Free for All. I’m pretty open over here, but I’m sure I can think of a few things.

1. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to chew gum. Love it. Even more though, I love crack my gum. Oh yeah, I’m obnoxious,
2. I have recently become obsessed with the Ford Flex . It’s so retro and cool. I want this car in one of those crazy metallic colors.
3. I majored in voice and music through high school and college (before I switched to business). Although it is speaking, I attribute my recording work here to what I learned in my studies. And though I don’t in any formal capacity any more, I really love to sing.
4. When I was a kid, I would constantly think about what I wished my name was. Top contenders were: Juana, Andra, and Constance. I’m ok with Sara now though.
5. My BFF and I probably spent 18 hours a week at the mall when we were in middle and high school. We were constantly getting guy’s #’s. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of my girls behaving that way. Positively sick.
6. We are planning on going to Disney this spring and I am more excited than a little kid about it. Hub and I have never been and we can’t wait to take the kids. So excited that if I think about it, I can’t sleep at night.

The rules are to tag 6 people and blah blah, but I’m not going to. If you haven’t done this, consider yourself tagged!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Comparison @ 2-months

Here is my first comparison of them at 5 days old.

I’m thinking of going through Bud’s baby book to see if I missed any milestones. I could just dress Liv up and pretend……










Tuesday, October 7, 2008

To Have or Not To Have (more children...)

The conversation, clearly, was inevitable though I don’t think that Hub thought it would come so soon. Liv is quickly outgrowing her 0-3month clothing and I’ve been removing it from her bureau. “Here’s the question”, I said to Hub, “Keep the clothes? Or donate them??” He kind of gave me a blank stare and then threw the question back at me. “What do YOU want to do?”

I want one more.

Not, like, tomorrow or anything.

Growing up, I always said that I wanted to have 4 children. I don’t know why I settled on that number, perhaps because my mother always said she’d wanted 4, or maybe because each of my grandmothers had 4. In any case, the number was set in stone for me. I had a really hard pregnancy with Bud and was terrified when I got pregnant with Lucy just 9 months after he was born. My pregnancy with her was a breeze, but after my labor I said never again. Cut to 3 years later and here we are after having another miserable pregnancy, contemplating yet another.

Are we nuts?

I have 2 reasons for not wanting another:

• I don’t think I could handle another stressful and uncomfortable pregnancy (though I think this could be remedied if I lost, say, 50lbs)
• I don’t want any more babies after I am 35 and we’d be looking at trying again when I am 33/34 (OMG, I am almost 30)

Hub’s reasons for not wanting more:

• He doesn’t like the person I become when I am pregnant. (I have to give him that one)
• Based on the way that Lucy is handling not being the baby anymore, he doesn’t know how she, or Liv would take it.
• He doesn’t necessarily want another boy; he likes that his and Bud’s bond is a unique one.
• We would more than likely have to move.
• It would be harder to do fun family stuff/vacations with 4 (but not that much harder, right?)

We share our reasons for wanting another:

• ZOMG!! Baby!!
• We like the idea of our kids growing up in a large family.
• We really enjoy our children and another would definitely add to that
• Ok, this one is mine….maybe it will be TWINS!!

We talked some more about it without really making any decisions. Hub stood firm on the fact that he didn’t want any more until Liv was in school. “I’m ok with that”, I told him, “so long as I can get pregnant in the 6-9 months BEFORE she goes off to school.” He smiled and told me “Fine….” As if exasperated, but I know he wants one as much as I do.

I suppose time will tell though. 4 years is a long time. What would you do?

Monday, October 6, 2008

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

I think I’ve mentioned before, how much I love autumn. Apples, pumpkins, leaves, and crisp air really do it for me. It seems that the best family activities go on in the fall as well.

Yesterday, we went apple picking. Up until Friday, we hadn’t planned on it, but I was looking at a local website, and there it was listed as something to do. I wasn’t sure that Hub would go for it; neither of us had ever picked apples before, but the fact that they had a train take you out in to the orchard totally sold him.

The day was beautiful and cool, and not even my migraine soured our experience. For $16 we each got to fill a bag with whatever kind of apples we chose. Bud paid close attention to the instructions we received and set to work picking. His bag was the first one filled.

Lucy ran up and down the rows, sampling every kind of apple they had. I swear to you, she ate no fewer than 10 apples.

Olivia hung out in the sling and slept, and I enjoyed carrying her with me while I picked (and ate). I didn’t even shove the old biddy from the train, who looked disapprovingly at Liv in the sling and tsked at me to “be careful with that baby getting off the train” Biddy. I think my favorite part of the day was pumpkin pie flavored ice cream.

Hub really enjoyed himself too---which I never would have imagined, especially since we got a ticket for an expired inspection on the way out there.

After a few hours we left and carted our fruit home where I baked an (awful awful awful please send me a better recipe) apple pie and ate the kielbasa and sauerkraut I had in the crock pot. It really was the perfect autumn day.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday Free For All!

This whole week has pretty much been a free-for-all, huh? Maybe I’ll be more structured next week.

• It is probably a good thing that there were no video cameras at daycare when Bud was a baby. I would most definitely be a SAHM. I am obsessed with what they are (or aren’t as the case may be) doing with Liv. I had a long talk with the center director on Wednesday about what I expect. I don’t feel like my baby should be more important to them than any other baby, but I feel like since she is incredible laid back and happy (easy) they’ll leave her in the swing for 3 hours. She’s not complaining, right? Well I am. I was screaming at my computer screen the other morning “ENGAGE HER FOR CHRISSAKES!!!” I’m close to just pulling her out of there. The big kids need to be there to learn. She does not. And I’m not even saying anything bad about the daycare per se, because they really are great. I just don’t know.
• I was thinking that I feel more attached to Liv than I did with the other kids; that I have a harder time leaving her. But then I remembered coming home after Bud was born, and just holding him and sobbing for weeks on end before I finally felt better about leaving him. It wasn’t like that with Lucy. Maybe because her babyhood was so close to Bud’s? In any case, I miss this baby so fiercely throughout the day that it physically hurts sometimes. And when I finally get her, whether it’s a daycare day or a day she’s home with Hub, I just hold and snuggle her, and fight back the hysterical feelings.
• I think the term full time mom irritates me. Like someone said recently “I work here part time, because I’m a full time mom.” Guess what A-wipe? I’m still a mom while I’m at my desk. We are all full time moms.
• I mentioned a while ago that breastfeeding wasn’t going well this time. We worked through it and are still going strong. I’m glad.
• I feel like I need to clarify that Lucy’s favorite name “Loveline” is pronounced “Luv-a-leen”, not like Dr. Drew’s show. And we are not naming our dog that.
• The rotavirus vaccine causes the worst smelling baby poop and gas that I have ever encountered.
• I can’t stop saying “Joe Sixpack” and “Hockey Mom” in my very best Sarah Palin voice.
• I still hate my hair.
• I’m glad it’s autumn.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The things they say....

• Lucy has already picked up a naming obsession, at age 3. She talks constantly about naming our dog, which we will probably get in the spring. “I want to name her Loveline, Mama.” When asked why, “Because it is the most beautiful name!! Loveline.” She also insists that I should have named Liv “Kahsher” which is how a friend of hers pronounces “Heather”. She says she will name her own baby Kahsher when she is a mommy with big milky boobies. But for now, she calls Liv Kahsher all the time.
• I recently opened a new bottle of kids’ shampoo that smells like coconut. Bud told me in no uncertain terms that he does not like the way it smells. When asked why, he said “because I need to smell like a man……”
• Lucy was laying in bed in a nightgown and was showing off her underwear. “Look at my butt crack!”, she told Bud. I informed her that our butt cracks are private and we don’t show them off. She said “Private, huh? Well are they expensive??”
• When company was over a few weeks ago and Liv was fussing, Bud shouted “She’s looking for BOOB!!”
• When Liv cries, it totally sounds like she’s saying “Daaaadyyyyy!!” ( BTW she was 12 lbs 10 oz at her visit yesterday and was a cranky witch all night long, til 5 this morning from her 4 shots.)