Wednesday, October 15, 2008

An Open Letter to my 30th Birthday

Dear 30,

As a day, you pretty much sucked from start to finish, though there were a few bright spots mixed in. I’d been building up so many emotions about you for so long; I thought it would have to be better than I was imagining.

My desk was festooned with black balloons proclaiming “30!!” and “OVER THE HILL!!” along with streamers and confetti when I arrived at work. I felt loved, though it was a bit over the top. Several employees who are much older than I am, had comments to the effect of “If 30 is over the hill, then I must be ancient” etc and hardy har har. I did not put up the balloons. Apparently, 30, you are still quite young.

I received some gifts from my boss and employees in your honor; gift cards to Old Navy and Target and we had some cake. Despite your presence, I still had a ton of work to do.

I arrived home expecting great things of you. There were some flowers from my mother, and some cedar plank cooked salmon for dinner; made by Hub. There was a cake. There was Hub asking whether I had wanted a card—because if I did, he would grab one when he picked up rolls from the store. And there was Hub telling me he hadn’t yet bought my gift. He hadn’t even picked up something small from the kids. Or had them make me a card.

“Trust me”, he said, “I will give you your gift on Sunday, in front of your family; it will be worth the wait.”

Well what if I don’t want to wait? What if I wanted to enjoy you, my one and only 30th Birthday, with my husband and children? Apparently, I have no choice, and we have to drag you out for an entire week.

I was trying to rise above your stigma, 30. I was trying to really enjoy you—I’d even planned on focusing on my accomplishments over 30 years and looking forward to what was waiting for me in the many years ahead, but instead you left me feeling wounded, old, and like I was no big deal. Like you weren’t a big deal.

I thought you were.

Nobody else did……at least not enough to do anything special on the actual day. Remember when I was a kid and my birthday was the best and most anticipated day of the year? Not anymore—I suppose it’s just another day.

Maybe I’ll eat my words on Sunday; maybe there will be some sort of birthday spectacular. I’m still wounded by your events, 30.

Fuck you,

Sara

17 comments:

LoriD said...

Awww. It sounds like something special is brewing for Sunday. Happy Birthday!

I had a hard time with turning 30. In fact, my explicit instructions to Homer were: don't talk about it, don't celebrate it, don't give me a gift, don't recognize it in any way, shape or form. Yeah... I had issues.

Jess said...

Oh, no. It sucks when birthdays don't meet expectations, especially when you thought those expectations were modest to begin with. I hope Sunday is awesome.

Emily said...

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry it wasn't what you expected, but hopefully Sunday really is worth the wait.

Swistle said...

It's going to have to be GEMSTONES at this point, I think.

Misguided Mommy said...

crap now i'm just obsessing about what the gift is on saturday

i mean.

what can beat a kitchenade right?

Saly said...

Swistle & Shannon-- I'm thinking A NEW CAR!!!!

Kristin.... said...

Oh this made me sad. I'm so sorry your birthday wasn't a happy one.
I didn't mind turning 30. I actually don't mind being 36 either. We'll see how I feel about 40 though.

CAQuincy said...

You TELL that b-day!!!

Sad, but I don't really remember MY 30th. Just another boring birthday. (And 36 is just around the corner! :-( ).

Enjoy your Sunday. I'm sure it'll be awesome!

Anonymous said...

Sounds just like my 30th. Suck. I had a birthday a bit like this last week. Sucks doesn't it? I was thinking of you babes, sorry I didn't email. I haven't been near a computer. Love you, Paprika.
PS: Happy Birthday sweetie.

Shelly Overlook said...

I'm sorry your day wasn't special. I hope whatever Sunday brings isn't more of a letdown after the Hub's hype.

You pretty much summed up how I feel about all birthdays now. The thrill is gone. It isn't because I'm getting older or the number of whatever age I'm turning, it's just that the day is rarely special anymore. Bah humbug.

d e v a n said...

I hope it's diamonds.

(oh, and Happy Birthday!)

Misty said...

Ooooo, I am sorry things aren't working out.

Happy Birthday!

Nowheymama said...

All I wanted for my 30th was a cookout at my parents' cabin. It got rained out. Suck it, 30!

bananafana said...

OMG my 30th was the exact same. I thought there would be at least SOME fuss but not so much. Meh

Hope Sunday makes up for it - my fingers are crossed for a car!

jen said...

I'm so sorry your day was so depressing. I don't remember my 30th and the only reason I remember my 31st was I was pregnant with my 1st.

FWIW my husband is the same with the "I can't plan for squat so your gift didn't arrive on time" thing. Even on CHRISTMAS. He once gave me a printout of the receipt for my gift. gaaahh.

desperate housewife said...

Oh honey... I feel you EXACTLY. My birthday this year (just a month ago, actually) totally sucked and I was majorly disappointed. I had just had a miscarriage and d and c and then immediately after planned and put together a big birthday party for my son... I had been hoping that my husband would recognize my need for a little over the top action for MY birthday. But no. He mentioned making me dinner, but then, when I requested beef and noodles, winced and said that that sounded too hard. He brought home Chinese instead. He did get me a nice card. My gift was a Y membership, which I had asked for, but then no flowers or any little something extra wrapped. Also, no cake. My MOM made me a cake, which she had Addy decorate, and then Jim got all sheepish and said, "I just didn't even think of doing a cake." Even though I had EXPRESSLY TOLD HIM the night before, when he was asking for ideas, that making a cake with the kids would be nice!!!
I'm still recovering, frankly. Christmas better be over the freaking top, that's all I have to say.

Penny said...

Happy birthday!!