Thursday, October 23, 2008

Today was the perfect kind of morning, not so cold out that the house was an ice box, but cool enough where it was perfect to snuggle down with the baby on the couch, under a fleecy blanket while I nursed her. The cats flanked us on both sides with their loud “good morning” purrs and I laid my head back and relaxed, stealing a few more minutes of sleep before the day actually began.

I love the calm of morning in our house, though it usually turns to chaos pretty quickly. It seems like I have all the time in the world and then suddenly I have 30 minutes to shower and dress, dress and feed the kids, pack bags for the day and then run out the door. Then, OH NO!! I need gas, or I’ve forgotten my coffee. Hub wooed me this morning with talk of a pumpkin muffin, which he’d left in his van for me so I didn’t eat. I was so excited……then when I left the house I realized he’d parked around the corner because our street is still under construction. I didn’t have time to walk to and from his van and back in the house still to drop off his keys IN HEELS, so I threw his keys back in the house in a fit and headed off to work. I arrived 5 minutes late after stopping for a bagel and filling my $.99 refill cup at Dunkin.

Five minutes late is kind of my story. It seems that no matter how much I prepare, no matter how much I do the night before, I am always running 5 minutes behind. Something crazy comes up, or my brain has crapped out and I’ve forgotten something really important—like that the baby is out of diapers. Sometimes I just spend too much time lollygagging with the kids; stealing one last kiss or sniffing one last head. Maybe I’m sharing a story with Hub, or more likely doling out instructions for his days home with them.

Last night, upon returning home from Target, I sat with Bud and Lucy at the dinner table to make a chart to track Bud’s night time potty progress. (We are working on it again) We had the glitter, markers paint and stickers out and set to work on our project. We made Lucy a chart as well, because she wanted one not because she needs one for anything, and she sat coloring and filling it up with stickers. Bud wrote his last name in huge letters and selected stickers to put in the squares for the days that had already passed. Liv sat in the bouncy, giggling and watching us all. For a minute I thought “Could I do this? Could I do this every day with them?” and for the first time since becoming a parent, I had the twinge of “I’d really love to stay home with them.”

It’s not realistic, and besides, Bud and Lucy are nearly school aged. I don’t know how I’d feel about giving Liv and any future child(ren) and opportunity that Bud and Lucy didn’t have, to be home with me full time…and there’s also the financial impact to consider. And health insurance and so many other things.

It will probably never happen, but it’s nice to think about.

And it wouldn’t even matter if I was running 5 minutes behind.

7 comments:

Emily said...

You know, I go back and forth between entertaining daydreams of how much I would love to be a stay at home mom and the reality that it isn't possible. Some days going to work is a needed break-time to socialize with adults and not worry about dirty diapers and bottles. Other days, when the work seems monotonous I wonder why I have to spend time doing something like this when I have a perfect little boy I could be with.

I think in the long run, working is the right decision for my family. But it's just human nature to wonder if the grass is greener. . .

Saly said...

Is something weird going on here with the comments? What the heck???

Mommy Daisy said...

Woah, the comments are strange. Blogger must be up to something new. We'll see.

I think those 5 extra minutes you're late are probably well worth it. Those extra kisses and snuggles are way more important.

I feel so fortunate that I can stay at home with my son. But belive me there are days when I think maybe I could work and be able to do more things with another income. Then it always evens out to, nope, this is what we're doing and it works for now.

Misguided Mommy said...

Your blog title still makes me giggle. I dont' know why, maybe cuz I'm a nerd.

Anywho...I think tomorrow you deserve TWO MUFFINS for that morning, and now, dammit I want a bagel.

Someone needs to get this woman a bagel STAT!

Jess said...

It is nice to think about, and definitely good to consider your options. And really I don't think that wanting to be exactly fair to all your kids would be a reason not to do it. I'm not saying you SHOULD do it, but all your kids will grow up in different situations and things will never be exactly equal. There's nothing wrong with that.

Kristin.... said...

So, I've been a SAHM for almost 4 years, and I worked outside of the home for 3 when my oldest was little. Each has advantages and disadvantages. Today, for instance, I would rather be working at a crap job than dealing with three crabby kids. Then there are days when they're all good and the laundry is folded and the house relatively clean, and I couldn't imagine doing anything else.
So, I don't know my point.

Misty said...

Well, we all know my opinion on the subject of staying at home in my life. So I shan't drone on about it here as I do so entirely too often on my own blog.

I just know how you feel, hon. Oooo, and I miss nursing. Your description was just too good.

*Sniff*