Step back from the ledge...

I am increasingly panicky about my trip, for which I leave at the bright and early hour of 4:30 am this Sunday. It’s to the point where if I am even off task for a second, my mind wanders to the trip and the flights and what to pack and the kids and the dog and FIL, and Hub packing lunches and OMFG, like seriously, I cannot shut it off. And maybe it will help me to type it all out, or maybe it won’t because it might just cause me to think of new things to panic about. But I’m going to type it all out regardless and maybe you can talk me down from the ledge, or give me some travel tips or something.

The Flights- until yesterday, I did not even have seats on any of them; they all showed as confirmed but unassigned and I was told to just get to the airport early and they would help me. And what now? Well after my friend R called them to see if we could sit together, it kind of worked out in that I have a seat on all but 1 flight, but they are all middle seats and on the long flight, it is middle row middle seat. And I’m a nervous pee-er and just thinking about sitting in the middle makes me have to pee. Furthermore related to the flights, I have only gone on one other trip in my life that required me to fly and it was maybe 3 hours of flying each way. This is 8. 8 hours enclosed in a plane. In a middle seat. While I have to pee.

The Packing-I’ve never checked a bag before, but that isn’t what’s concerning me in particular although it does make me a little bit nervous. I’m more having a problem with the whole carryon situation. I will carry on my laptop and my purse. I don’t know if I need an additional carryon bag. I’m generally a light packer anyway but I don’t know…could it be useful? Or will it be more of a pain in the ass as all of us traveling together try to load the car? I don’t want to seem overly prepared or be that person that everyone jokes about bringing their entire house with them on the trip. But I don’t want to be underprepared either, or have no room to bring things back.

The Preparing at Home Hub already asked the kids if they could just buy lunch every day while I was away because he doesn’t feel like making them lunch. This sent Lu in to a nervous tizzy because she only likes to buy when she knows and likes exactly what is on the menu that day. He’s now said that he could slap some meat between bread but the whole snack and drink situation is too much for him. So I need to lay out 5 days of lunch snacks and beverages. I need to tell him when to shower the kids, when to get them up and out for the bus. I need to lay out 5 days worth of outfits which means I’ll need to keep an eye on the weather. Hub can handle the general household upkeep and such—that is completely his thing-- but the kids are my jurisdiction. And I could not even tell you what he will do when Liv wakes up 40 times a night.

The GuiltI don’t feel guilty about leaving, per se, though I’ve never been away from my babies for more than 2 nights and this is 6 full days away from them. I feel guilty about being excited to get the hell out of here for a week where there are no school functions or TKD or taking FIL to radiation or walking the dog. I feel guilty for getting an entire week that is essentially all about me (I will be working though) when there is so much going on here. I feel guilty that when my kids are being pains in the ass, as they have been colossally over the last few days, that I am thinking to myself “aaah 4 more days and I am out of here!”. I refuse to feel guilty about sleeping alone in a king size bed with extra pillows though.

The To-Do List I have personal things to do, like get a pedicure and have my eyebrows waxed, and buy travel sized shampoos and such. I signed Liv up for daycare on Tuesday and Thursday so Hub doesn’t have to worry about coordinating times with my mom. I’ve been steadily making a pile in our bedroom of things I need to remember to take (Kindle, camera, an extra book or 2)I think I want to write out specific instructions for Hub about each of the kids and I think I want to write them each a note for each day I’ll be away in case we don’t get a chance to talk with the time change. My office needs to be cleaned up, my laptop bag cleaned out and organized. There are millions of things and the more I think about it, the list gets longer and longer.

Hmm, that did help a bit, if only for a short time. I am really mostly excited about going, especially the 80 degree 0% chance of precipitation weather. And visiting Hollywood. I’m sure that once I am no longer distracted I’ll find more to fret about though. So help a sister out. Speak in soft soothing tones. Teach me how to travel. Tell me everything will be ok.