Thursday, November 20, 2008

F A I L

Ugh. Weaning is a huge bitch. More so than it has ever been before because I was not necessarily ready to do it. It appears that Liv is a bit tongue tied and it’s amazing that she lasted this long, if by lasting, you mean thrashing angrily around while she sucked, spitting and sputtering through at least 50% of her feedings for the last 16 weeks. I tried the pumping route, and sadly the more that I pumped and the less that she nursed, the less milk was coming out. So, I started the process of taking her completely off last Friday and here we are. The 1st few days were so excruciating that I forced her to nurse when she really didn’t want to. The official last time was Sunday morning. With the other 2, weaning was a lot more spread out, so I never experienced any pain. This time though is total suckage in the pain department. But I think I’ve made it through the hardest part and we move on.

Of course, I am dealing with the emotions. I am SO! EMOTIONAL! I know it’s not my fault and it’s not the baby’s fault but I hate that we aren’t doing it. What if she truly is my last baby? What if this was my last chance ever? I feel like this was a colossal FAIL. Like maybe if we both just worked a little bit harder……… But then I know how hard we did both try. And it didn’t work. She got the benefit of breastfeeding for 16 weeks and I should feel good about that. (but I don’t)

The emotions are getting me elsewhere too. I was changing over the picture frames on my desk to put up the kids’ school photos, and I came across these behind the last batch of photos that I had in there:











My babies. And soon I will be wistful for this baby. Wah.

10 comments:

Swistle said...

Oh! Weaning! I HATE wean-feelings! I always wish I could go to one of those sleep spas and just sleep for two weeks until it's over.

Mommy Daisy said...

Aww, sweetie. You did NOT fail. You did what you could. You tried and succeeded for so long. No one will deny you that. I understand the hard feelings. Just know that you can mourn this loss of nursing. I think it takes that to get through it. It IS normal to feel all those things.

Misguided Mommy said...

okay don't laugh at me but i swear this works...when you're weaning and you're boobs start to hurt, go get a milk bag (if your saving the milk for cereal or whatever),

sigh...

hold your boob over it and hand squeeze.....you know, milk yourself.

but you only two like 2 tbsp, no more. you will feel instantly relief you're boobs will still dry up but it WILL STOP HURTING. I shit you not, I did this and it was the fastest relief, i was able to get a little cereal milk stored up and and the pain went away.

Shelly Overlook said...

I agree with Misguided Mommy, though I did it in the shower to get relief. God, it hurts and it sucks and I am so sorry you're suffering.

As for the emotional suffering, maybe a warm brownie?

Nowheymama said...

I think weaning is hard at any and every baby age.

What BEAUTIFUL babies.

Emily said...

Your kids are so cute!

You made it 16 weeks, that's NOT a FAIL!

Jenny said...

16 weeks is great. So many people don't do it at all! I can totally understand your sadness though, as I am still breastfeeding and it kind of hurts to think about weaning. I hope you start feeling better soon.

I wanted to let you know about the contest I am having right now. It is for a two week taster pack of Glow Mama drinks! They are great for moms and pregnant women. Stop by and enter when you have a minute :-)

http://babyfingers.blogspot.com/2008/11/glow-mama-drink-made-just-for-you.html

desperate housewife said...

Weaning made me feel bat shit crazy for a good two weeks at least. So hormonal, so weepy, so miserable. And so bitter at the UNFAIRNESS that men don't have to go through any of this, and that they just sit on their high horses and sniff at how "emotional" women are.
Um, apparently I am still a tad bitter. Oops!
Also, I had Adelay on my lap when I was reading this post and she kept saying, "Aw, a cute BABY! Look at the BABY!"

CAQuincy said...

I dunno. For a tongue-tied baby, she sure was CHUBBY. I don't think she was having an issue getting milk.

I'm so sorry you had to wean. And yes, "dumping off" a tiny bit now and then should help with the physical pain.

As for the emotional pain, we're all here for you--wishing there was more we could do than give emotional support to help you out. :(

d e v a n said...

Aw, I hate weaning too. You did good.