Friday, December 12, 2008

Justified Rage

My kids go to pre-school/daycare 3 days a week, and Hub stays home with them 2 days. It is actually a pretty good set-up, and we save the expense of full time care. The kids get the benefits of interacting with other children and preparing for kindergarten along with the benefits of having a SAH parent.

Being the parent who works is actually pretty hard on me—and not for the reasons you might think.

When I drop them off at school, I am done. I know that they will be fed, cared for, napped and engaged all day long. I don’t have to think about anything, (though I do occasionally call to see how Liv has eaten) I can watch them online, and I receive a handy dandy progress report when I pick them up at the end of the day.

On the days that Hub is home, it’s a little bit different. I need to give him props because he does just fine with the big kids—probably better than I would even as far as keeping them on a schedule. He does great with playing with Liv and keeping her happy. What he does not do though, is pay any attention to her schedule, what she has eaten, how she has napped or when she was changed. He calls me at work to find out what and when and how—even though I make all of the bottles before I leave in the morning, and leave out the fruit/vegetable du jour. Even though he knows she is on a 4-hour schedule as far as bottles are concerned. Even though I tell him before I leave when she should eat next.

This is more than frustrating for me, and it peaked yesterday, when at 4PM he called me at work to ask ME how much Liv had eaten so far……

I’m going to pause here to let you take that in.

How in the hell would I know??

We then argued because he couldn’t get past that if he was telling me there were 2 bottles in the fridge, I couldn’t tell him how much she had eaten. I couldn’t get past that HE was the one who fed her and he didn’t know the answer to his own question. AND then!! It turned out that there weren’t even 2 bottles left in the fridge—which explained A LOT!

This is insane, right?

The subject has been dropped, but not resolved. I think I just need to suck it up and realize that whether I am home or not, I am in charge of the baby. Regardless of it being ridiculously unfair.

I am going out tonight, right after work. She needs to have cereal, 2 medicines and one bottle before bed. Would I be wrong to ask him to fill out a sheet like daycare does?

Something tells me that wouldn’t go over very well.

12 comments:

Jess said...

This is crazy. Your rage is definitely justifiable. Why is it the mother who is expected to be in charge of these things even if the father is the stay-at-home parent? How hard would it be for him to develop some sort of tracking system for this? Or at the very least, you could expend the one-time effort of developing such a system and then he can bloody well stick to it.

Nowheymama said...

I would print up a big ol' schedule (or do one on a dry erase board) and stick it to the fridge.

I'm sorry.

Rose said...

I feel the same way with A. (This is Emily by the way). I feel like most of the baby stuff is my responsibility and anything my husband does is "helping". It drives me crazy, but at the same time I can't let go of control sometimes.

Swistle said...

OMG, I will NOT get started on this subject, I will just say YES and I KNOW, RIGHT???

desperate housewife said...

Oh Lord. I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. Even when we are both home and have both BEEN home all day, he'll ask, "Does Eli need to eat? When did Addy wake up this morning? Does she need a nap? Does the baby need a diaper change?" Etc etc ad nauseum. And I'm just, "Whaaa? Why am I responsible for being aware and you get to be oblivious???" I mean, he's not TERRIBLE about it- your hubby sounds like an extreme- but there are times I just want to scream.

Mommy Daisy said...

Yikes, that is crazy. I love the title. I'd be pretty pissed too.

I think that the bulk of childcare always falls on the mother's shoulders. But it would be especially frustrating if the father is at home with them. Yep, make him fill out a form. :P

Rose said...

Commenting again to say this topic was an issue at my house this weekend. WHY can't the Dad realize the simplest of things? Does he need a new diaper? Well, if you have to ask, check for yourself!

Just needed a place to vent. . .

Pickles and Dimes said...

I think he needs a schedule or something on paper, because MAN. I feel for you.

Kristin.... said...

First, I love the new layout for the holiday.

Second, ugh, men. I would create a form for him to fill out, or a schedule. Because honestly hon, with the other things you have going on, you don't need to be micromanaging that too.

UGH.

Penny said...

Arg. Husbands are really frustrating. Childcare is always my responsibility. If it's a date night he planned? _I_ have to remember to get a babysitter. And so forth.

I say you don't do anything and let him figure himself out.

Anonymous said...

Hey are you ok? Haven't read anything since this post. I am thinking of you. Let me know if you are OK. Love you, Paprika *hugs* xx

Eli's Lids said...

Great post! My hubby doesn't remember to feed himself or the kids! When I get home from anywhere I find to starving kids and a cranky husband. And lets face it... this isn't rocket science... just open the fridge, close your eyes spin around and point... string cheese, carrots, oranges... leftovers... yogurt...
http://elislids.blogspot.com