Friday, July 8, 2011

In which I somehow tell you my pant size

Hub has lost about 50lbs since January. “I’ve basically lost an entire Lucy”, he told me smugly last night, “Could you imagine carrying her around all day every day?” I roll my eyes smug with my own knowledge of irrelevant facts about our children. “She weighs 60lbs. You haven’t lost her yet.”

Score. Ok, not really.

I want to be happy for Hub. I want to be thrilled that with hard(ish) work, he’s really done it. He’s reduced his triglycerides by two thirds and is probably healthier than he’s ever been. Mostly though, I am pissed off about it all the time. Everything I’d told him for years about whole grains and carbs and sugars is now The Bible because HE thought of it. Right. Perhaps if I had been hitting the drive thru twice a day for 10 years grabbing a doughnut or 2 with my coffee then I too could drop 50lbs by just stopping and changing my eating habits. But I’ve never done that. Just eating some damned wheat bread is not going to help me.

Aside from the probably hundreds of studies (none of which I am familiar with, so…) that have shown this, it is quite obvious that men and women are very different when it comes to losing or gaining weight. I have heard so many stories of husbands who need to lose 20lbs and just stop drinking beer for a few weeks and lose the 20 and more. Men are different! It is science! It is also infuriating.

I will say that after starting to work from home, when there was no longer an endless buffet of potluck lunches, birthday and anniversary cakes and milkshake runs at my disposal, that I lost 15lbs without doing anything else. You may think “But Saly? Weren’t you going to the gym???” Well, no. I wasn’t. I decided that since I was working from home there was no reason for me to get up at 5am to go any longer. I could go any time! My lunch! Mid afternoon! The possibilities were endless, except that they weren’t as my calendar filled up on a daily basis. So gradually I dropped from 4 times a week to 2-3 and then to never. And I sit here knowing that it is ridiculous. Working from home has saved me something like 10 hours a week. I talked myself up and started going back at the end of April and then I traveled to California for work where I was told I had to go back to the office for a while, and from there everything went back downhill.

I couldn’t very well go to the gym when I had to be in the office, could I? And I couldn’t turn down my team members’ offers of milkshakes and lunches out and of course the weekly ice cream parties. I marveled at how loosely my work clothes were fitting, my size 22 pants nearly falling off of me. During the 6 weeks that I was in the office, I put 5lbs back on.

Thankfully I am back home. I’ve bought shorts for the summer in a size 20 and they are a bit loose. Large, yes. But not a 22 which is the biggest size I’ve ever worn. I’ve dropped the 5lbs just by getting back in to my home habits. I’ve been to the gym once with the excuse of “The Holiday Weekend” keeping me away this week.

Long story short, Hub’s weight loss has not been about turning in to a buff hottie. It’s been about his health. His doctor told him to change his habits or he would be dead, and he did it. He talks to the kids about why he’s doing it and why we don’t keep cookies in the house anymore and why their lunch is made on different bread now. The kids know that part of the reason Grandpa died was because he never quit smoking, even though the doctors told him to quit many times. They correlate that to what Hub is doing, and they get it. Hub is doing all of this so he is healthy and here for them for a very long time.

So how come I am not? I feel like someone has slapped me in the face and I’ve woken up. I am lazy. Why do I get to say that it’s too hard? Why do I get to be annoyed with Hub for making it look so damned easy? I don’t really have that right. He’s found what works for him and he’s doing it—so good for him! Really!! This is the time for me to find what works and to do it too. I started by calling my endocrinologist for a lab slip because I haven’t had my meds checked in a very long time. In fact, the rude receptionist who is The Reason I Haven’t Called, pointed out that it has been 2 years since I was last in the office. One hard thing out of the way, right? We’ve found that operating on a family schedule really helps with chores and keeping household things running smoothly, so I am going to try scheduling my gym time. And it will have to be in the early mornings. I know this. And the hard part? I will actually have to get up and go, and not phone it in when I get there and just ride the bike. Finally—I need to give up my favorite coffee drinks for a while. I drink it black at home, but when I am out I love nothing more than stopping for a creamy iced coffee. Once in a while for a treat will be fine later on, but no more to the “I am in my car and therefore DESERVE an iced coffee”.

So. 3 hard things. 4, if you count me telling you my pant size. I am going to work on pushing myself out of my comfort zone a little bit, maybe by accomplishing 3 hard things a week. I think it might work. And if it doesn’t, I need to keep trying until I find something that does. I think I give up too easily—so I need to figure out a way to stop myself from doing that. Anyone want to scream in my face to get my lazy butt up and to the gym? I don’t know—I’m going to do it somehow. You might not hear me gloating that I lost a whole Lucy, but maybe somewhere down the line I’ll be able to say that I’ve lost a Liv. Or that I’ve at least reached my pre-(1st)pregnancy weight.

Or maybe I’ll just take to my bed like the mom from Gilbert Grape.

Ok, not really. Wish me luck.

11 comments:

Tess said...

Did you TOTALLY CALL that I would be the first commenter? DID YOU?

I love this post, because it's not just blah blah blah healthkick, it's all about FEELINGS about other people's healthkicks, and crabbiness, and WEEKLY ICE CREAM PARTIES, are you SERIOUS?

Tosc can easily drop 20 lbs. by changing the most minor of habits. He's done it before by dropping beer and Dr. Pepper. True story. Which leads me to wonder what would happen if he ACTUALLY tried. Gah.

Anyway! Hang in there.

Pickles and Dimes said...

Good luck! I've fallen hard off the exercise wagon, and I constantly make excuses not to do it. This weekend, I talked J. out of NOT doing a 5k, and now I'm wondering what my deal is. Sigh.

Also, J. can make minor changes and lose 25 lbs. I call BS! :)

Mommy Daisy said...

Have I told you that I love you? I do. You're awesome! Sorry, am I coming on too strong?

Good for you for wanting to change and doing something about it. Also...men suck! Don't worry about that part, just do what you need to do.

I need to do this too. I talk about it. I want it. But I so rarely do it. It's much easier to be lazy. I even have a gym membership, but I haven't used it since Z was in swim lessons this spring there. And I'm at my heaviest ever right now at a size 24! Scary and sad. I found 2 pair of nice size 20 pants in my dresser the other day. I left them there, because I want to fit into them this fall. Now I just need to get to work!

Keep up the motivation!

Misty said...

That's my pant size too, love. We're all in this together! I haven't joined a gym, mostly because I find it scary and intimidating. But walking around the block? There is nothing stopping me but me. So, I know how you feel.

It is hard, but you can do it. I have faith in you.

Swistle said...

I DO count telling the pants size as a hard thing! Also: I am your larger pants size!

I like what Misty said about us being in this together. I'm working right now on (1) adding IN more nutritious foods (even when I find myself resisting taking OUT things like ice cream) and (2) substituting more-nutritious foods for less-nutritious ones in situations where I don't care so much (like using bell peppers instead of tortilla chips, even though I'm not yet at the point of having fruit instead of dessert). I am clinging to the idea that even small changes are worth making---and that small changes often lead to MORE small changes.

The Kellys said...

You can do it! I think you're doing a great job of raising three kids, working from home, and trying your best to be as healthy as possible. And bravo to you for sharing exactly how most women feel about their husband's weight loss and how easy it is.

The kick start to losing weight was counting carbs and trying to eat low glycemic foods. It absolutely worked. No rice, no potatoes, no bread, no sugar. It sucks, but it works.

The Kellys said...

The kick start to losing weight for ME, is what that was supposed to say. Oops!

d e v a n said...

This post is so totally motivating! The eating is frustrating because I eat way more healithly than my husband who is the SAME size he was in high school, and looks really damn good. I'm glad he does, but I always wonder what he thinks of ME, who is now 60ish pounds heavier than when he met me. Granted, i was in high school and didn't have 4 babies, but... *sigh*

I've been feeling like crap lately, and have been dieting like crazy this week and have not lost a single ounce. What is that?!
I'm still going to do it though, and I also need to find a doctor. I'm glad you wrote this. Thanks for the motivation!

LoriD said...

What a great post.

If you need to push yourself to get to the gym, is there anything else you could do that would be more inticing? Like, you could take the dog for a brisk 15-minute walk 3x a day - good for the dog, good for you. Then, you could do some squats, crunches, lunges, bicep curls, etc. while you watch a favourite program every couple of days. I am not a gym person, so gym visits could never be part of a healthy living plan.

Mrs. Irritation said...

Men are infuriating in that way, aren't they? My BFF's husband never works out yet can effortless run a 5k after a weekend of drinking and smoking. WTF? It really isn't fair.

I work from home too. I've been working full time for a whole 3 weeks now and have found the only way I exercise is if I put it in my calendar like a regular appointment. So far it works.

Keep on moving, you can do it! & I'm happy to cheer you on anytime you need a boost.

Anonymous said...

You are not lazy. You have 3 children, a full time job, a husband, a house, a dog, a cat, a garden, brother, SIL & niece, Mum and Dad, Church and FRIENDS. That said, it is so so easy to just stop. I guess the trigger that went off for me was when I stopped saying "I should...(go to the gym)...(eat brown bread)...(stop drinking coffee)..." and I started saying "I want to...(work out)...(eat something healthy)" etc...

I can show you my pant size in my before and after pictures. I am no where near a reasonable weight but I am working on it. I've been at it for nearly 2 years now and I will keep going.... because I want to.

I love ya.
Paprika.