Monday, March 31, 2008

My (Apparent) Sexless Marriage

**Disclaimer to say that this is about my sex life. Reading further is up to you. **




Last weekend, I had a surge of energy for “activity”. Hub questioned me a bit, and I mentioned that I had heard this can happen in pregnancy, but that I’d never experienced it before. It was an eventful Easter weekend, in that respect, to say the least. And Hub was a happy, happy man.

It would stand to reason that Hub would wonder if this weekend would be the same; I can’t blame him. But it wasn’t. There were relations on Friday night, nothing spectacular, but not boring either. We were busy all day on Saturday, driving well south to experience “Maple Weekend” (and CA falling face first in to a mud puddle along with our van getting stuck in the muddy muddy parking lot ) as well as seeing a high school musical that our friend directed. By the time we got home, it was close to 11, I was exhausted and sore from being in the car so long, and it was all that I could do to stay awake long enough to get the kids in bed. Hub was disappointed; he thought something would happen. I apologized for being so tired, and politely said there was no way.

“But I drove both ways without even complaining!” he whined, as if that should buy him something. And I told him how much I appreciated it, and went to bed.

He made no secret of the fact that he had expectations yesterday either, questioning when the kids would be napping and so on. I wasn’t sure, since we had a lot to do, but assumed after we had gone shopping. Hub took CA and got the groceries, leaving me home to organize the entire pantry and work on laundry while ED watched the Kid’s Choice Awards. Not easy work for someone who IS NOT pushing 6-months-pregnant if you ask me……anyway, he came home and the kids went in for a late nap. CA fell right to sleep, but ED was not sleeping. Hub gave me the eyebrows. I told him I wasn’t keen on being buried under the covers wondering if ED was going to barge in. What Hub heard was “as soon as he is asleep, GAME ON!!!” We had a small lunch and I did some more work. ED was still awake, and Hub finally told him to lie quietly for 10 minutes and not to move. This apparently was our opportunity, and I declined, causing Hub to sulk around until dinner.

“But I’ve been so nice…I didn’t even complain when you went to bed last night……and I did drive all day yesterday……”

SERIOUSLY??

We have 2 kids and one on the way for god’s sake. It’s not like we are newlyweds.

I guess my question is how can I win in this situation? Apparently, last weekend, I made all of his dreams come true. And it wasn’t enough. Why couldn’t he just enjoy it for what it was instead of thinking that this was the pace of business for the rest of our lives? Apparently, I should have squelched my desire last week because all it did was backfire on me this week—all I did was make him want more. In my mind, it seemed like there should have been some sort of reprieve this week—honestly we did it more last weekend than we would typically do in 2 weeks.

I’m reasonably sure that we will never see eye to eye on this subject; though he did apologize last night and tell me that because of the events of last weekend, he was probably overly-excited—(he normally will ask for it a gazillion times, but be ok with, or even expecting to hear “NO!!”—he’s typically not a sulker). Ok then.

It doesn’t happen often, but I hate being made to feel like sex is a chore, or an obligation, or my duty as a wife.

I’m usually happy to oblige darling, but my duty right now is to grow your child. You’re going to have to deal with it.

11 comments:

Jess said...

This post is awesome. This is why we should always set the bar low. Start a new job? Do crappy work in the beginning so everyone will be really impressed when you pick up the pace. Getting married? Withhold sex so that later on when you have it once a month it will seem like an improvement.

I am about to be a newlywed so I totally appreciate the longer-term perspective!

Mommy Daisy said...

Ha. ha. ha! Heard from my bedroom last night (after I denied my husband- because I'm not feeling well): I think you get it more than most married men, so stop complaining!

We had a LOT more sex when I was pregnant. See? It happens.

Misty said...

Oh. Boys. What are you going to do? Seems like lots and lots of folks have this issue. We don't.

Not because we are incredibly "active", but because we are anomalous freaks and talk about it a lot. He doesn't pressure me. He knows that it will just shut me down. Plus, he respects my "no" just like I respect his falling asleep after I have hinted all day we would "get lucky" that night. :)

Tell Hubs to put on his big-boy drawers or the "Doctor" will put you on "rest" until 2 years after HA is born. Ha!

Pickles & Dimes said...

I hear you! Jason still talks about the one weekend where we did it [X] times, like it should be the benchmark.

I seriously think some men could have sex 24 times a day and still feel disappointed when they only get it 20 times the next.

A Day in the Life of.... said...

Im expecting my first and practically during the whole pregnancy I have had no desire to have sex. I have friends and co-workers tell me that they couldnt get enough of it during pregnancy but not I. I feel horrible for my hubby but he is very understanding about it and doesnt bug me about it.

mom of the year said...

Tell your husband to quit whining. He can tell you all about a sexless marriage. And that's all I'm going to say about that...

Misguided Mommy said...

i was really lucky my husband thought it felt "different and spongy" while I was preggo so he stopped asking. and my endless morning /all day)sickness kept me from performing any other tasks, because you know...gag reflexes.

umm was that tmi

Swistle said...

Love this. What is WITH guys? When we were trying for a third pregnancy, I think Paul finally got it more than even HE wanted it. And we got twins. So that ought to teach him, BUT NO.

CAQuincy said...

I wrote a post about this already, but them my connection crashed. @#$% computer (we so need a new one).

Will pare it down to:
You will NEVER win.

Kristin.... said...

Hi. Hopped over from Swistle. Men. GRRRR. I hate it when my husband pouts all weekend because I'm just plain tired and not interested. What does he expect? He's gone for 10 hours a day and I NEVER NEVER leave the house (except to go to the bus stop, which means piling all the kids in the van to drive 1300 feet down my road). argh.
thanks, I feel better.

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