Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Field Observation

• In what circumstance is it warranted for a man to go for a drive with no shirt on? I mean where is he going? Also, gross! These aren’t attractive men to begin with. And isn’t their skin sticking to the fake leather seats in their 1983 Chevy Caprice Classic?
• Can we just cut out all of the drive-thru banter at Starbucks? It is so old. When the chick tells me to pull around and see Brandon for my total, in sets the dread. In the course of 3 minutes while he swipes my card, we talk about how cute I am, my sunglasses, my sparkly credit card, girls who are pregnant at the salon where he also works, MY due date, what I do for a living, and the weather. I am in the drive-thru because I have not yet consumed caffeine and I’ve just had more conversation than I’d like to have in an entire day. Step off, Brandon!
• Things I may have said at work yesterday: “She is, like stealth! I’m sitting here and all of the sudden she is behind me talking! I mean what if I was looking at porn??” (don’t worry, pornography is blocked at my workplace……) Also, “The shit is VOID. That’s all there is to it.” Also, “Do you know how crazy you are making me? I need one of those ‘bang head here’ signs!!” And because, clearly, I am boss of the year, after being asked how to solve a problem “I don’t have the answer and I don’t know what to tell you here. I would just suggest that you find a way to get it done without involving me!”
• My children spent the better part of an hour fake burping at bedtime last night, and found it hysterically funny. They also can’t wait to go to the library, which is one of several (community pool, park, bounce house, nature trails) places I promised to take them while I am off and before Olivia comes. (weighing my hands, on one, fake burping intellectuals on the other, fake burping dorks)
• I hadn’t heard about this until this morning, but Celebrity Family Feud starts tonight. I am so watching that. I also want Joey Fattone and Mel B. to show up in my office. Preferably after I come back to work. Do you guys remember Circus of the Stars? I loved that show back in the day. They need a revival.

12 comments:

LoriD said...

There is a Circus of the Stars on right now (maybe it's called Celebrity Circus?). WITH Joey Fattone as the Ring Master! I can't believe I'm into it, but I am.

I've also been watching "How do you solve a problem like Maria" which is a search for the lead in the Toronto production of The Sound of Music. Clearly, my standards are deteriorating as we speak.

Pickles & Dimes said...

We have a guy on our block who never wears his shirt. NEVER. We call him Shirtless Guy, obviously. And yeah, he's not the type who should be going shirtless.

I'm so watching Celebrity Family Feud, too.

Jess said...

Celebrity Family Feud! This reminds me that I need to go home and check if we get the Game Show Network yet. I want to go RIGHT NOW to find out. But I'm stuck here for seven more hours. Ugh.

Emily said...

Ooooh!! Celebrity Family Feud! I am so excited now. Before I was thinking it was just going to be a boring Tuesday evening.

desperate housewife said...

"Step off, Brandon!" Indeed. Why do restaurants make such a fuss about their employees making nice to the customers, beyond of course courtesy and service? We are not here on a SOCIAL CALL. We don't need to be gladhanded. We are here FOR COFFEE.

Swistle said...

OMG, totally agree: I want NEITHER CHIT NOR CHAT in a drive-through. I go there to AVOID social interaction.

Love title of post.

Nowheymama said...

I'm laughing because this is the tone of all of my posts from shortly before H. was born: irritated with the world and not afraid to share it. As one of my friends said to me, "You go, Hormonal Pregnant Woman."

Shelly Overlook said...

I remember Circus of the Stars. I also remember Battle of the Network Stars of loooong ago (loved that show).

On our street, my husband is pretty much the only who does not go shirtless. Drives me crazy. I know it's FL, I know it's hot all the freaking time, but puh-lease. Put a shirt on and spare me!

Can you imagine sitting in the same car seat after hot sweaty shirtless guy drove? Ugh? Sweaty smelly seats are so not appealing.

Misty said...

1. I used to drive a 1980-something Chevy Caprice Classic. But I always had my shirt on ;)

2. I think you would be hysterical as a boss.

3. I *hate* it when Brother fake-burps. Ug ug ug. Makes me want to hork.

Tessie said...

Dude. This post is HILARIOUS! Love.

Even thinking about driving with my shirt off makes me squirmy.

Kristin.... said...

Our neighbor at our other house always did his yard work without his shirt on. It was NOT warranted. Now our new neighbor does the same thing. Also NOT a hottie. Surrounded by men who think too much of themselves, or maybe too little. :)

Summer TV is boring. We watch sports, and only sports. Ok, and the occasional show on Discovery. But mostly, Red Sox baseball.

Misguided Mommy said...

crap i can't believe i missed the family feud ugggggggggggggggggggggg