Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Sometimes....

-I wonder how well a request to have my family sit around nude for a few hours so that I could say with 100% certainty ALL--every.last.piece of the laundry is washed, dried and put away would be received.
-I feel bad that I don’t love my cats the way I did before the kids arrived.
-Or a lot of the time, I feel like Hub just doesn’t get it.
-Seeing the glorious new cupboards, counters and sink in my kitchen gives me a panic attack, because in some weird way, these things, more than anything else, have made me feel like a real adult.
-I feel like maybe I’m the only mother who (sometimes) can not stand to be around her own children.
-I cry after the kids have gone to bed because I haven’t used the kindest word or tones throughout the day.
-I get words stuck in my head, much like someone would get a song stuck in their head. Example: “Mandlebaum”
-But not too often, it bothers me that people mistake my quiet personality for bitchiness.
-I get major nervous tummy before doing something completely benign, like ordering a pizza
-Sitting and staring off in to space for 30 minutes or more calms and centers me, though Hub sees it as me being lazy.
-I wonder if my laid back, no regrets, I don’t care what anyone else thinks about me attitude is more of a sham than I lead people to believe.
-I worry that when my kids grow up they will dislike me, or not call.
-I worry about “what if they are not good people?”
-I make really downer-type lists (apparently)

15 comments:

Tessie said...

First of all, you have to start ordering pizza online. That's the only cure for the nervous tummy. I can't do it either.

This list isn't a downer. These are all great thoughts. And Me Too.

Pickles & Dimes said...

[BIG HUG]

You're doing great. And staring for 30 minutes peacefully recharges your batteries; it's NOT being lazy. At all.

But not too often, it bothers me that people mistake my quiet personality for bitchiness.

I'm right there with you on that one. Being quiet does not mean I'm snotty or bitchy. I wish people understood that, but that would require me to interact with them, so NO THANKS.

LoriD said...

I feel like maybe I’m the only mother who (sometimes) can not stand to be around her own children. You're not the only one. Trust me on this.

Jess said...

I have all those worries and I don't even have kids yet. I think you are very real and human and that's why we all love you.

Misty said...

Laundry! I too love it when everything is washed and put away and you think, "Look! I couldn't even do another load if I wanted to!

I worry my kids are so rebellious that they will end up in jail. Really truly. Also, I don't know how I was ever a single mom. Because just dealing with the kids by myself for the small amount of time that I do drives me completely insane.

I worry about the lack of kind words as well. For me, it is because I am always tired, always drained. Sigh. I guess one just has to take a deep breath and try to do better. That is what I tell myself, anyway.

gmcountrymama said...

I have to say that I feel the same way about most all of your thoughts here.
If I did all my laundry at the same time, there wouldn't be enough room in the dressers and closets to put it all away!
I am quiet too and don't have an easy time finding people in real life who I want to talk with. Probably because on the inside I AM a judgemental bitch!

Nowheymama said...

The laundry one totally cracked me up.

I worry that I'm going to want to be a really involved grandmother and my kids are going to be like, "no thanks" and their spouses will think, "What's up with your clingy mom?"

Kristin.... said...

I'm right there with you: I never have all the laundry washed, folded and put away (we only get to washed and dried here, then fish out of baskets). There are MANY MANY MANY days that I dislike my kids. They tell me that I don't love them, but I remind them that while I don't always like them, I will always love them. I get nervous tummy over the weirdest things. Waiting for an email I don't want to get, for instance. Makes me crazy.
Funny you mention the recharging your batteries~I spent my girls' naptime doing NOTHING productive. Except reading blogs and the news. Too bad I don't feel recharged.

bananafana said...

I get words stuck in my head all the time . . .
I always thought that having kids would make me feel like a grown up but it really has been the house stuff for me too. And I hate ordering food over the phone but I have trouble with online as well - the tip thing makes me all stupid and nervous and I worry that it won't actually go through and I'll wait for hours and never get anything to eat. And I hear so many people say they hate calling and ordering food and both the adults in this house can't stand it - what are we all so afraid of?

Shelly Overlook said...

Hello? Have you read my blog lately? You are so not the only one who can't stand to be around her kids sometimes. Too bad we can't all teleport them to somewhere safe together so we could relax and not have to listen to them scream/cry/whine/annoy.

Emily said...

I am with you on the nervous tummy about things that should be no big deal. Ordering pizza, making reservations, etc.

The laundry thing cracked me up. And so true, because the laundry really is never done.

I liked this list a lot!

desperate housewife said...

Yes to all of those. Except maybe the quiet personality one. With me it's more, "I worry that people might mistake my occasional bitchiness for chronic bitchiness." MUCH better.

Swistle said...

Ha ha! I wonder many of these same wonders. Except for the one about not being able to stand my own kids: I know I'm not the only one, because I READ BLOGS.

JMC said...

I always have the word "staccato" stuck in my head. Ever since I saw it as a font style years ago. Weird.

Also, phone calls in general make me nervous. That's why it sometimes takes over a year to call a repair man.

And both kid things - not standing to be around them and feeling bad at the end of a particularly rough day.

Quiet personality being equated to bitchiness? Me too. Or else just to being "stuck up." I'm not, I just don't do small talk well.

Mommy Daisy said...

OK, these comments are as funny as your list!

I love when all the laundry is done. I keep checking back looking to move another load, AND NONE IS THERE! That's a great feeling.

My poor dog will never be the same either. Guess that's part of life.

Home projects do help with that adult feeling. Sometimes it just feels like I'm *playing* house.

I have days when I can't stand to be around my child. After a week of vacation- being around him constantly, I think my husband understands that perfectly too.

I get a nervous tummy about lots of little things. I agree about just ordering pizza online, it's much better that way. Like right now I have a nervous tummy, because I'm waiting for my son to wake up then we have to go meet my husband at the repair shop and take him back to work. Why it makes me "nervous" I don't know.