Sometimes....

-I wonder how well a request to have my family sit around nude for a few hours so that I could say with 100% certainty ALL--every.last.piece of the laundry is washed, dried and put away would be received.
-I feel bad that I don’t love my cats the way I did before the kids arrived.
-Or a lot of the time, I feel like Hub just doesn’t get it.
-Seeing the glorious new cupboards, counters and sink in my kitchen gives me a panic attack, because in some weird way, these things, more than anything else, have made me feel like a real adult.
-I feel like maybe I’m the only mother who (sometimes) can not stand to be around her own children.
-I cry after the kids have gone to bed because I haven’t used the kindest word or tones throughout the day.
-I get words stuck in my head, much like someone would get a song stuck in their head. Example: “Mandlebaum”
-But not too often, it bothers me that people mistake my quiet personality for bitchiness.
-I get major nervous tummy before doing something completely benign, like ordering a pizza
-Sitting and staring off in to space for 30 minutes or more calms and centers me, though Hub sees it as me being lazy.
-I wonder if my laid back, no regrets, I don’t care what anyone else thinks about me attitude is more of a sham than I lead people to believe.
-I worry that when my kids grow up they will dislike me, or not call.
-I worry about “what if they are not good people?”
-I make really downer-type lists (apparently)