Signs That You Are SO Done with this Pregnancy Crap

• You have to pee 453 times per day but nothing more than a trickle comes out. But somehow, if you cough or sneeze, it seems like a gallon leaks out.
• Even with DD’s you seem flat chested compared to your bulbous belly
• When your husband tells you that you look nice, you scoff as in “Yeah right!!”. When he says that he means it, you burst in to tears.
• You are glued to The Discovery Health Channel and are convinced that everything on TV is happening to you.
• Odd body parts have begun to sweat.
• You have run out of polite responses to comments such as “Oh yes, you are definitely bigger than yesterday!” or “Gosh, you are going to pop any second. Are you due in the next few days?” and instead say through gritted teeth “Actually I have at lease 6 more weeks to go. And until you said something, I didn’t really feel any bigger than I did yesterday. So thanks for your input.”
• Public bathroom stall doors bang you in the belly as you try to maneuver in to the stall.
• Your facilities manager, who has made arrangements for you to park right up front in Customer Parking so that you don’t have to park ¼ of a mile away next to the dumpsters every morning, thinks it is hysterical to make comments about calling off the tow trucks for that blue van up front every time he sees you.
• When your husband suggests that maybe your sonogram will reveal that the baby is of normal size and we really do have 8 weeks to go, you have to fight (hard) the urge to punch him in the gut.
• Because your first two pregnancies were so close together, acquaintances at work have sort of merged them together. You can see shock and disbelief when they realize it is your third. Then they make offhanded remarks such as “Wow, 3 under 4! You’ll have your hands full!” Listen bitches, my hands have been full since the first one was born. STFU.
• Your maternity pants no longer stay up and you are constantly showing ass crack.
• You’ve given up caring that your hair is way too long AND that you have WAY too many scraggly greys.
• When your son wants to know how much older he will be than his baby brother who will come AFTER this baby, you throw up a little bit in your mouth.
• You wonder if at this stage in the game, consuming mass quantities of caffeine would really do any harm to the baby. You begrudgingly stick to your 1-2 cups per day.
• You would like to be able to eat toast or a cracker without getting heartburn.
• You know that as miserable as you are, it will be *SO* worth it in the end.