What is this? Three posts in one week? Surely the world must be ending...no wait...it is not yet 2012.
Work has been sucking every bit of life out of me lately. It isn't any one thing, just a variety of crap that I won't/can't talk about here. Corporate BS, you know. If you've worked for any large corporation, you've dealt with it. I've worked for 2 very large corporations in my (gasp) 16 working years, and it is the same everywhere. It is presented differently, but there will always be shit. Now is no different. I'm trying to deal, to tell myself that things change every day and that before long, we'll probably be right back to where we started. Everything old is new again, you know?
But it is hard. I am in a position where I used to be one of two, and now I am one of many, having been absorbed in to this new role through our transition. And mostly it is fine, except that it isn't. I don't feel passionate about what I am doing. I no longer feel like I am the one making a difference. I'm just there, doing what I can and collecting my check. This isn't me.
I'm coming to realize that I have a problem with being herded like a sheep. That I need to have some sort of project. That I need to be given the opportunity to be analytical. I'm not getting that.
And so I've been looking. Only internally so far. I'd really not like to start completely over after 10 years. Don't get me wrong; I generally like my job, and I work for an amazing company. But I feel like if there is change all around me as it is, I may as well shake it up some more. Put myself out there and try something new.
It is damn hard.
This does figure in a bit to my resolutions a bit too. Taking care of me. Fulfilling myself. We're not in a position for me to lose any money at this point, but we are stable enough to work through a bit of change.
At this point, I think I deserve it.