What is this? Three posts in one week? Surely the world must be ending...no wait...it is not yet 2012.
Work has been sucking every bit of life out of me lately. It isn't any one thing, just a variety of crap that I won't/can't talk about here. Corporate BS, you know. If you've worked for any large corporation, you've dealt with it. I've worked for 2 very large corporations in my (gasp) 16 working years, and it is the same everywhere. It is presented differently, but there will always be shit. Now is no different. I'm trying to deal, to tell myself that things change every day and that before long, we'll probably be right back to where we started. Everything old is new again, you know?
But it is hard. I am in a position where I used to be one of two, and now I am one of many, having been absorbed in to this new role through our transition. And mostly it is fine, except that it isn't. I don't feel passionate about what I am doing. I no longer feel like I am the one making a difference. I'm just there, doing what I can and collecting my check. This isn't me.
I'm coming to realize that I have a problem with being herded like a sheep. That I need to have some sort of project. That I need to be given the opportunity to be analytical. I'm not getting that.
And so I've been looking. Only internally so far. I'd really not like to start completely over after 10 years. Don't get me wrong; I generally like my job, and I work for an amazing company. But I feel like if there is change all around me as it is, I may as well shake it up some more. Put myself out there and try something new.
It is damn hard.
This does figure in a bit to my resolutions a bit too. Taking care of me. Fulfilling myself. We're not in a position for me to lose any money at this point, but we are stable enough to work through a bit of change.
At this point, I think I deserve it.
Showing posts with label all about me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label all about me. Show all posts
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Resolve
So, I told you guys I would write about my resolutions sometime near February, right? And well basically I was foaming at the mouth to write my very first post with my new laptop. So, we both win right? Because I am sure you were waiting with baited breath.
Anyhoo..
My resolution for 2010 is actually pretty simple: to take care of me. I've been in the business of having and rearing children for 6 years now, and save for a brief stint at the gym when Lucy was about 18-months-old, I've basically let myself go to hell, mind, body and soul.
I am not looking at it from the perspective of 'I must lose weight', even though I am ridiculously unhappy with the way that I look. Every time I get on a losing weight sort of kick though, it just blows up in my face in a crash and burn sort of way. So instead, I'm focusing on the health aspect. Hub and I joined a gym (new to our area ans as of yet not opened) and I've made a few doctor's appointments--dermatologist and obgyn. I'm trying not to stuff my piehole with junk 24/7. It is a slow process and I don't have any visions of wearing a bikini come summer. But I do have a vision of playing in the yard with my kids and not feeling like my heart is going to pound right through my chest.
It's hard to care about your appearance when you don't feel good about yourself, but I am trying there as well. Actually doing something with my hair; possibly some makeup. Get my eyebrows done, maybe a pedicure or two and a massage here and there. Nothing extravagant, but I want to show myself that I care, and that it's ok to care about me once in a while.
Finally, I've been watching a lot less TV, and have been listening to music at home, letting lose and singing. I'm going to try and read more as well; the goal being one book a month, though January is almost over and we haven't even come close. I have at least 10 books on my shelf that I have bought with good intention to read, and have pushed them off over and over again to veg in front of the TV, or just go to bed early.
So there you have it, 2010 is the year of me, and trying to get back a small piece of the person I was prior to 2004. I'll let you know how it goes.
Anyhoo..
My resolution for 2010 is actually pretty simple: to take care of me. I've been in the business of having and rearing children for 6 years now, and save for a brief stint at the gym when Lucy was about 18-months-old, I've basically let myself go to hell, mind, body and soul.
I am not looking at it from the perspective of 'I must lose weight', even though I am ridiculously unhappy with the way that I look. Every time I get on a losing weight sort of kick though, it just blows up in my face in a crash and burn sort of way. So instead, I'm focusing on the health aspect. Hub and I joined a gym (new to our area ans as of yet not opened) and I've made a few doctor's appointments--dermatologist and obgyn. I'm trying not to stuff my piehole with junk 24/7. It is a slow process and I don't have any visions of wearing a bikini come summer. But I do have a vision of playing in the yard with my kids and not feeling like my heart is going to pound right through my chest.
It's hard to care about your appearance when you don't feel good about yourself, but I am trying there as well. Actually doing something with my hair; possibly some makeup. Get my eyebrows done, maybe a pedicure or two and a massage here and there. Nothing extravagant, but I want to show myself that I care, and that it's ok to care about me once in a while.
Finally, I've been watching a lot less TV, and have been listening to music at home, letting lose and singing. I'm going to try and read more as well; the goal being one book a month, though January is almost over and we haven't even come close. I have at least 10 books on my shelf that I have bought with good intention to read, and have pushed them off over and over again to veg in front of the TV, or just go to bed early.
So there you have it, 2010 is the year of me, and trying to get back a small piece of the person I was prior to 2004. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
S E V E N
Ok, Carrie tagged me, so here it goes!!
The rules are as follows:
# Link to the person who tagged you
# Post the rules on your blog.
# Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
# Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
# Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged.
1. I am overly freaked out by feet—to a ridiculous extent. It took me years to be able to even touch my husband’s feet, and even now, seeing him barefoot, disgusts me. True story: a friend and I went to a new health club downtown (a few years ago) and took a tae bo-type class upstairs and then headed downstairs where we had signed up for a free martial arts lesson. When I saw all of the naked feet on the mat, I had a panic attack and could not go through with the class. What was worse was that I had to cross the mat with the naked feet in order to leave the building. It was horrifying and I am truly scarred for life from that one. (The exception to my foot issue is my kid’s feet—I have no problem with them at all.)
2. I am mildly obsessive compulsive about a couple of things in my life but none more so than my alarm clock which I obsessively set and reset no fewer than 6 times before bed. It goes a little something like this: set, view to see that time was set correctly, double check to make sure alarm is set to AM and clock shows it is currently PM, turn the alarm off, click it back on and repeat the entire process. Yeah.
3. I can not handle any type opf repetitive noise (think someone tapping their pencil or clicking their pen—or better yet the dinging in your car when you forget your keys or leave your lights on; even the microwave beeping at the end KILLS ME) OR any sort of repetitive blinking (think the light on the answering machine). It seriously takes me over the edge. I may have some sort of mild sensory integration disorder.
4. When I was a kid, I used to practice smiling in the mirror so that I would always look great in photos. Seriously. (It was time well spent though, my wedding photos being proof)
5. I loathe board games and puzzles. The thought of sitting down and going through the motions of any board game, especially monopoly, is worse to me than having to peel off my fingernails one by one. This carries over to all of those crappy kids board games too. (I’m talking to YOU Chutes and Ladders!!!) They actually make me feel claustrophobic and confined—like I’m in a straight jacket. There is one exception though, and it is Scrabble. I love it!!
6. I will only eat Kraft Macaroni and Cheese if it is doused in ketchup. If you haven’t tried it, you should!
7. I pretend to be pretty outgoing—especially at work, but typically I feel out of place and somewhat retarded in social situations. I can always be counted on to say the wrong thing in an awkward moment. In fact, I often create awkward moments.
Umm, here is who I tag:
Emily
Misty
Shelly (if she hasn’t been killed by a rogue realtor)
Bananafana
Mom of the Year
Shannon
The rules are as follows:
# Link to the person who tagged you
# Post the rules on your blog.
# Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
# Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
# Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged.
1. I am overly freaked out by feet—to a ridiculous extent. It took me years to be able to even touch my husband’s feet, and even now, seeing him barefoot, disgusts me. True story: a friend and I went to a new health club downtown (a few years ago) and took a tae bo-type class upstairs and then headed downstairs where we had signed up for a free martial arts lesson. When I saw all of the naked feet on the mat, I had a panic attack and could not go through with the class. What was worse was that I had to cross the mat with the naked feet in order to leave the building. It was horrifying and I am truly scarred for life from that one. (The exception to my foot issue is my kid’s feet—I have no problem with them at all.)
2. I am mildly obsessive compulsive about a couple of things in my life but none more so than my alarm clock which I obsessively set and reset no fewer than 6 times before bed. It goes a little something like this: set, view to see that time was set correctly, double check to make sure alarm is set to AM and clock shows it is currently PM, turn the alarm off, click it back on and repeat the entire process. Yeah.
3. I can not handle any type opf repetitive noise (think someone tapping their pencil or clicking their pen—or better yet the dinging in your car when you forget your keys or leave your lights on; even the microwave beeping at the end KILLS ME) OR any sort of repetitive blinking (think the light on the answering machine). It seriously takes me over the edge. I may have some sort of mild sensory integration disorder.
4. When I was a kid, I used to practice smiling in the mirror so that I would always look great in photos. Seriously. (It was time well spent though, my wedding photos being proof)
5. I loathe board games and puzzles. The thought of sitting down and going through the motions of any board game, especially monopoly, is worse to me than having to peel off my fingernails one by one. This carries over to all of those crappy kids board games too. (I’m talking to YOU Chutes and Ladders!!!) They actually make me feel claustrophobic and confined—like I’m in a straight jacket. There is one exception though, and it is Scrabble. I love it!!
6. I will only eat Kraft Macaroni and Cheese if it is doused in ketchup. If you haven’t tried it, you should!
7. I pretend to be pretty outgoing—especially at work, but typically I feel out of place and somewhat retarded in social situations. I can always be counted on to say the wrong thing in an awkward moment. In fact, I often create awkward moments.
Umm, here is who I tag:
Emily
Misty
Shelly (if she hasn’t been killed by a rogue realtor)
Bananafana
Mom of the Year
Shannon
Friday, January 18, 2008
I’m coming to terms with the fact that this may very well be my last pregnancy. As much as I’ve always said that I wanted to have 4 kids, thinking about having another one when I am over 30----it just doesn’t seem possible.
It may be premature to have these kinds of thoughts; I get that. The baby isn’t even here yet; I know. Still, I’m operating on the assumption that this is my last, and I’m taking advice from Misty, who said in one of my comments that she’s pretty sure her next pregnancy will be her last, and that she is going to spoil herself.
That being said, I am going for it and I am spending the $30 on this cute skirt from Old Navy (ok, it is not on their website anymore, but I I find it again, I will show you), even though I wouldn’t spend $30 on a non-maternity skirt. I’m spending all of my Christmas gift cards on cute maternity clothes despite the fact that I already have a shit-load from the last two times. And I am buying the things I want for this baby, which will include a fancy sling and a bumbo.
Anyhoo---
In other baby news, I am feeling really strong girl vibes. This is kind of hard, because with CA, I really wanted a girl, since we already had a boy. Now, as we have one of each, I don’t have any preferences, per se, but I have been weighing the pros and cons of each. I’m not really sure how I feel about myself doing that, like in some aspects it would be better to have a boy (I love that CA is our little princess, boys seem to be easier) but in others it seems like having a girl (ED is such a mama’s boy, I have SO MANY girl’s clothes) would be better. Is this normal? I think generally, I don’t care. But if you ask me what I want on any given day, my response will change. It should be just over a month before we find out for sure anyway. (YAY!)
Tomorrow is official Mommy and CA day since Hub and ED are going to the monster truck rally (yawn). As long as I can borrow FIL’s car, we will shop and go have something for dinner and have a fun girl’s day. I’m excited; it’s nice to get to spend solid one-on-one time with each of them once in a while. Sunday, my cousin’s baby is being baptized, so we’ll be doing that. This will be the first time we’ve seen anyone from my dad’s family since our pregnancy announcement, so let’s see how this all goes. All of my cousins have stopped with 2 kids.
And now, I’ve ordered some manicotti for lunch, so I am off. Happy weekend to you all!
It may be premature to have these kinds of thoughts; I get that. The baby isn’t even here yet; I know. Still, I’m operating on the assumption that this is my last, and I’m taking advice from Misty, who said in one of my comments that she’s pretty sure her next pregnancy will be her last, and that she is going to spoil herself.
That being said, I am going for it and I am spending the $30 on this cute skirt from Old Navy (ok, it is not on their website anymore, but I I find it again, I will show you), even though I wouldn’t spend $30 on a non-maternity skirt. I’m spending all of my Christmas gift cards on cute maternity clothes despite the fact that I already have a shit-load from the last two times. And I am buying the things I want for this baby, which will include a fancy sling and a bumbo.
Anyhoo---
In other baby news, I am feeling really strong girl vibes. This is kind of hard, because with CA, I really wanted a girl, since we already had a boy. Now, as we have one of each, I don’t have any preferences, per se, but I have been weighing the pros and cons of each. I’m not really sure how I feel about myself doing that, like in some aspects it would be better to have a boy (I love that CA is our little princess, boys seem to be easier) but in others it seems like having a girl (ED is such a mama’s boy, I have SO MANY girl’s clothes) would be better. Is this normal? I think generally, I don’t care. But if you ask me what I want on any given day, my response will change. It should be just over a month before we find out for sure anyway. (YAY!)
Tomorrow is official Mommy and CA day since Hub and ED are going to the monster truck rally (yawn). As long as I can borrow FIL’s car, we will shop and go have something for dinner and have a fun girl’s day. I’m excited; it’s nice to get to spend solid one-on-one time with each of them once in a while. Sunday, my cousin’s baby is being baptized, so we’ll be doing that. This will be the first time we’ve seen anyone from my dad’s family since our pregnancy announcement, so let’s see how this all goes. All of my cousins have stopped with 2 kids.
And now, I’ve ordered some manicotti for lunch, so I am off. Happy weekend to you all!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)