Drive.

There is something about my husband that drives me crazy. Not crazy in the way of “pshaw, that funny man!” with an eye roll and a smile. No, I am talking completely up the wall crazy. Up the wall in the way of making me see red; making me want to just scream and be glad that I don’t have a baseball bat in my hands. It’s true. Now this craze inspiring trait is something that my husband cannot control, and I’ve always felt a little bit bad being so angry about it, but it seems like something he should be able to control, and yet chooses not to. This is irrational on my part. I know. If he could control it, he would. At least I think, or hope he would. Anyway.

Hub cannot keep his eyes open when he is driving. He is ok for short distances, you know, like driving around town running errands. If you get him on the thruway though, or even driving out on open country road, he’s out. His head bobs, his eyelids get heavy, and eventually his eyes just roll in the back of his head. Thankfully, in all the miles that he has traveled for work, he’s never had an accident. He laughingly credits the rumble strips on the thruway for waking him up hundreds of times. He’s not really going out of town for work anymore either, so it is less of a worry.

So what is my problem, right?

Well, I hate to drive. Especially to new and unfamiliar places (like vacations etc. I have panic attacks in heavy traffic and driving in downtown city situations. And not knowing where to park gives me anxiety as well). And his falling asleep puts a big cramp in my “I would like to be driven” plan.

I know. Selfish.

I can actually list a number of reasons why this drives me crazy:
1. I spend my time as a passenger hawk-eyed on my husband to make sure he is awake.
2. I can never relax or nap in the car, even on long trips.
3. I have to drive more often than I want to and to places I don’t want to.
4. Nobody keeps ME company when I am driving. (I feel like I need a Reading (and Chickens) illustration for this one.) It is me and the radio with Hub asleep in the front and 3 children who are either headphoned to their DSi’s or are sleeping themselves.
5. It’s not faaaaiiiiiirrrrr!

So anyway, every single time it happened, I was just full of The Rage. It was ruining every trip. Why should Hub get to have a nice relaxing car nap? Why should I have a non-relaxing drive because I’m worried about him falling asleep and our minivan careening all over the road and eventually off of a cliff? It shouldn’t be this way.

Finally after years of this, I just decided to give up. It still seems to me that there is a problem if the second a car moves it tells your body to fall asleep regardless of being completely non-tired. It still gives me The Rage. But I’m at a point of accepting that I can either be an alert passenger, or I can just drive while he sleeps the trip away. The stress isn’t worth it. Fighting about it isn’t worth it because it won’t change. And so, I drive the long trips and he drives the short ones and I keep my mouth and my rolling eyes in check.

And I swallow my rage, and resist telling him that my next husband will always drive.